Wednesday, September 20, 2006

THE POINT OF HONOR

Collected by THOMAS L. MASSON
Published by DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY for REVIEW OF REVIEWS CO. 1922

A young lieutenant was passed by a private, who failed to salute. The
lieutenant called him back, and said sternly:

"You did not salute me. For this you will immediately salute two hundred
times."

At this moment the General came up.

"What's all this?" he exclaimed, seeing the poor private about to begin.

The lieutenant explained.

"This ignoramus failed to salute me, and as a punishment, I am making
him salute two hundred times."

"Quite right," replied the General, smiling. "But do not forget, sir,
that upon each occasion you are to salute in return."

Thursday, September 07, 2006

GIDEON By Wells Hastings (1878- )

[From _The Century Magazine_, April, 1914; copyright, 1914, by The
Century Co.; republished by the author's permission.]

"An' de next' frawg dat houn' pup seen, he pass him by wide."

The house, which had hung upon every word, roared with laughter, and
shook with a storming volley of applause. Gideon bowed to right and to
left, low, grinning, assured comedy obeisances; but as the laughter
and applause grew he shook his head, and signaled quietly for the
drop. He had answered many encores, and he was an instinctive artist.
It was part of the fuel of his vanity that his audience had never yet
had enough of him. Dramatic judgment, as well as dramatic sense of
delivery, was native to him, qualities which the shrewd Felix Stuhk,
his manager and exultant discoverer, recognized and wisely trusted in.
Off stage Gideon was watched over like a child and a delicate
investment, but once behind the footlights he was allowed to go his
own triumphant gait.

It was small wonder that Stuhk deemed himself one of the cleverest
managers in the business; that his narrow, blue-shaven face was
continually chiseled in smiles of complacent self-congratulation. He
was rapidly becoming rich, and there were bright prospects of even
greater triumphs, with proportionately greater reward. He had made
Gideon a national character, a headliner, a star of the first
magnitude in the firmament of the vaudeville theater, and all in six
short months. Or, at any rate, he had helped to make him all this; he
had booked him well and given him his opportunity. To be sure, Gideon
had done the rest; Stuhk was as ready as any one to do credit to
Gideon's ability. Still, after all, he, Stuhk, was the discoverer, the
theatrical Columbus who had had the courage and the vision.

A now-hallowed attack of tonsilitis had driven him to Florida, where
presently Gideon had been employed to beguile his convalescence, and
guide him over the intricate shallows of that long lagoon known as the
Indian River in search of various fish. On days when fish had been
reluctant Gideon had been lured into conversation, and gradually into
narrative and the relation of what had appeared to Gideon as humorous
and entertaining; and finally Felix, the vague idea growing big within
him, had one day persuaded his boatman to dance upon the boards of a
long pier where they had made fast for lunch. There, with all the
sudden glory of crystallization, the vague idea took definite form and
became the great inspiration of Stuhk's career.

Gideon had grown to be to vaudeville much what _Uncle Remus_ is to
literature: there was virtue in his very simplicity. His artistry
itself was native and natural. He loved a good story, and he told it
from his own sense of the gleeful morsel upon his tongue as no
training could have made him. He always enjoyed his story and himself
in the telling. Tales never lost their savor, no matter how often
repeated; age was powerless to dim the humor of the thing, and as he
had shouted and gurgled and laughed over the fun of things when all
alone, or holding forth among the men and women and little children of
his color, so he shouted and gurgled and broke from sonorous chuckles
to musical, falsetto mirth when he fronted the sweeping tiers of faces
across the intoxicating glare of the footlights. He had that rare
power of transmitting something of his own enjoyments. When Gideon was
on the stage, Stuhk used to enjoy peeping out at the intent, smiling
faces of the audience, where men and women and children, hardened
theater-goers and folk fresh from the country, sat with moving lips
and faces lit with an eager interest and sympathy for the black man
strutting in loose-footed vivacity before them.

"He's simply unique," he boasted to wondering local managers--"unique,
and it took me to find him. There he was, a little black gold-mine,
and all of 'em passed him by until I came. Some eye? What? I guess
you'll admit you have to hand it some to your Uncle Felix. If that
coon's health holds out, we'll have all the money there is in the
mint."

That was Felix's real anxiety--"If his health holds out." Gideon's
health was watched over as if he had been an ailing prince. His
bubbling vivacity was the foundation upon which his charm and his
success were built. Stuhk became a sort of vicarious neurotic,
eternally searching for symptoms in his protégé; Gideon's tongue,
Gideon's liver, Gideon's heart were matters to him of an unfailing
and anxious interest. And of late--of course it might be imagination
--Gideon had shown a little physical falling off. He ate a bit less,
he had begun to move in a restless way, and, worst of all, he laughed
less frequently.

As a matter of fact, there was ground for Stuhk's apprehension. It was
not all a matter of managerial imagination: Gideon was less himself.
Physically there was nothing the matter with him; he could have passed
his rigid insurance scrutiny as easily as he had done months before,
when his life and health had been insured for a sum that made good
copy for his press-agent. He was sound in every organ, but there was
something lacking in general tone. Gideon felt it himself, and was
certain that a "misery," that embracing indisposition of his race, was
creeping upon him. He had been fed well, too well; he was growing
rich, too rich; he had all the praise, all the flattery that his
enormous appetite for approval desired, and too much of it. White men
sought him out and made much of him; white women talked to him about
his career; and wherever he went, women of color--black girls, brown
girls, yellow girls--wrote him of their admiration, whispered, when he
would listen, of their passion and hero-worship. "City niggers" bowed
down before him; the high gallery was always packed with them.
Musk-scented notes scrawled upon barbaric, "high-toned" stationery
poured in upon him. Even a few white women, to his horror and
embarrassment, had written him of love, letters which he straightway
destroyed. His sense of his position was strong in him; he was proud
of it. There might be "folks outer their haids," but he had the sense
to remember. For months he had lived in a heaven of gratified vanity,
but at last his appetite had begun to falter. He was sated; his soul
longed to wipe a spiritual mouth on the back of a spiritual hand, and
have done. His face, now that the curtain was down and he was leaving
the stage, was doleful, almost sullen.

Stuhk met him anxiously in the wings, and walked with him to his
dressing-room. He felt suddenly very weary of Stuhk.

"Nothing the matter, Gideon, is there? Not feeling sick or anything?"

"No, Misteh Stuhk; no, seh. Jes don' feel extry pert, that's all."

"But what is it--anything bothering you?"

Gideon sat gloomily before his mirror.

"Misteh Stuhk," he said at last, "I been steddyin' it oveh, and I
about come to the delusion that I needs a good po'k-chop. Seems
foolish, I know, but it do' seem as if a good po'k-chop, fried jes
right, would he'p consid'able to disumpate this misery feelin' that's
crawlin' and creepin' round my sperit."

Stuhk laughed.

"Pork-chop, eh? Is that the best you can think of? I know what you
mean, though. I've thought for some time that you were getting a
little overtrained. What you need is--let me see--yes, a nice bottle
of wine. That's the ticket; it will ease things up and won't do you
any harm. I'll go, with you. Ever had any champagne, Gideon?"

Gideon struggled for politeness.

"Yes, seh, I's had champagne, and it's a nice kind of lickeh sho
enough; but, Misteh Stuhk, seh, I don' want any of them high-tone
drinks to-night, an' ef yo' don' mind, I'd rather amble off 'lone, or
mebbe eat that po'k-chop with some otheh cullud man, ef I kin fin' one
that ain' one of them no-'count Carolina niggers. Do you s'pose yo'
could let me have a little money to-night, Misteh Stuhk?"

Stuhk thought rapidly. Gideon had certainly worked hard, and he was
not dissipated. If he wanted to roam the town by himself, there was no
harm in it. The sullenness still showed in the black face; Heaven knew
what he might do if he suddenly began to balk. Stuhk thought it wise
to consent gracefully.

"Good!" he said. "Fly to it. How much do you want?
A hundred?"

"How much is coming to me?"

"About a thousand, Gideon."

"Well, I'd moughty like five hun'red of it, ef that's 'greeable to
yo'."

Felix whistled.

"Five hundred? Pork-chops must be coming high. You don't want to carry
all that money around, do you?"

Gideon did not answer; he looked very gloomy.

Stuhk hastened to cheer him.

"Of course you can have anything you want. Wait a minute, and I will
get it for you.

"I'll bet that coon's going to buy himself a ring or something," he
reflected as he went in search of the local manager and Gideon's
money.

But Stuhk was wrong. Gideon had no intention of buying himself a ring.
For the matter of that, he had several that were amply satisfactory.
They had size and sparkle and luster, all the diamond brilliance that
rings need to have; and for none of them had he paid much over five
dollars. He was amply supplied with jewelry in which he felt perfect
satisfaction. His present want was positive, if nebulous; he desired a
fortune in his pocket, bulky, tangible evidence of his miraculous
success. Ever since Stuhk had found him, life had had an unreal
quality for him. His Monte Cristo wealth was too much like a fabulous,
dream-found treasure, money that could not be spent without danger of
awakening. And he had dropped into the habit of storing it about him,
so that in any pocket into which he plunged his hand he might find a
roll of crisp evidence of reality. He liked his bills to be of all
denominations, and some so large as exquisitely to stagger
imagination, others charming by their number and crispness--the
dignified, orange paper of a man of assured position and
wealth-crackling greenbacks the design of which tinged the whole with
actuality. He was specially partial to engravings of President
Lincoln, the particular savior and patron of his race. This five
hundred dollars he was adding to an unreckoned sum of about two
thousand, merely as extra fortification against a growing sense of
gloom. He wished to brace his flagging spirits with the gay wine of
possession, and he was glad, when the money came, that it was in an
elastic-bound roll, so bulky that it was pleasantly uncomfortable in
his pocket as he left his manager.

As he turned into the brilliantly lighted street from the somber
alleyway of the stage entrance, he paused for a moment to glance at
his own name, in three-foot letters of red, before the doors of the
theater. He could read, and the large block type always pleased him.
"THIS WEEK: GIDEON." That was all. None of the fulsome praise, the
superlative, necessary definition given to lesser performers. He had
been, he remembered, "GIDEON, America's Foremost Native Comedian," a
title that was at once boast and challenge. That necessity was now
past, for he was a national character; any explanatory qualification
would have been an insult to the public intelligence. To the world he
was just "Gideon"; that was enough. It gave him pleasure, as he
sauntered along, to see the announcement repeated on window cards and
hoardings.

Presently he came to a window before which he paused in delighted
wonder. It was not a large window; to the casual eye of the passer-by
there was little to draw attention. By day it lighted the fractional
floor space of a little stationer, who supplemented a slim business by
a sub-agency for railroad and steamship lines; but to-night this
window seemed the framework of a marvel of coincidence. On the broad,
dusty sill inside were propped two cards: the one on the left was his
own red-lettered announcement for the week; the one at the right--oh,
world of wonders!--was a photogravure of that exact stretch of the
inner coast of Florida which Gideon knew best, which was home.

There it was, the Indian River, rippling idly in full sunlight,
palmettos leaning over the water, palmettos standing as irregular
sentries along the low, reeflike island which stretched away out of
the picture. There was the gigantic, lonely pine he knew well, and,
yes--he could just make it out--there was his own ramshackle little
pier, which stretched in undulating fashion, like a long-legged,
wading caterpillar, from the abrupt shore-line of eroded coquina into
deep water.

He thought at first that this picture of his home was some new and
delicate device put forth by his press-agent. His name on one side of
a window, his birthplace upon the other--what could be more tastefully
appropriate? Therefore, as he spelled out the reading-matter beneath
the photogravure, he was sharply disappointed. It read:

Spend this winter in balmy Florida.
Come to the Land of Perpetual Sunshine.
Golf, tennis, driving, shooting, boating, fishing, all of the best.

There was more, but he had no heart for it; he was disappointed and
puzzled. This picture had, after all, nothing to do with him. It was a
chance, and yet, what a strange chance! It troubled and upset him. His
black, round-featured face took on deep wrinkles of perplexity. The
"misery" which had hung darkly on his horizon for weeks engulfed him
without warning. But in the very bitterness of his melancholy he knew
at last his disease. It was not champagne or recreation that he
needed, not even a "po'k-chop," although his desire for it had been a
symptom, a groping for a too homeopathic remedy: he was homesick.

Easy, childish tears came into his eyes, and ran over his shining
cheeks. He shivered forlornly with a sudden sense of cold, and
absently clutched at the lapels of his gorgeous, fur-lined ulster.

Then in abrupt reaction he laughed aloud, so that the shrill, musical
falsetto startled the passers-by, and in another moment a little
semicircle of the curious watched spellbound as a black man,
exquisitely appareled, danced in wild, loose grace before the dull
background of a somewhat grimy and apparently vacant window. A newsboy
recognized him.

He heard his name being passed from mouth to mouth, and came partly to
his senses. He stopped dancing, and grinned at them.

"Say, you are Gideon, ain't you?" his discoverer demanded, with a sort
of reverent audacity.

"Yaas, _seh_," said Gideon; "that's me. Yo' shu got it right." He
broke into a joyous peal of laughter--the laughter that had made him
famous, and bowed deeply before him. "Gideon--posi-_tive_-ly his las'
puffawmunce." Turning, he dashed for a passing trolley, and, still
laughing, swung aboard.

He was naturally honest. In a land of easy morality his friends had
accounted him something of a paragon; nor had Stuhk ever had anything
but praise for him. But now he crushed aside the ethics of his intent
without a single troubled thought. Running away has always been
inherent in the negro. He gave one regretful thought to the gorgeous
wardrobe he was leaving behind him; but he dared not return for it.
Stuhk might have taken it into his head to go back to their rooms. He
must content himself with the reflection that he was at that moment
wearing his best.

The trolley seemed too slow for him, and, as always happened nowadays,
he was recognized; he heard his name whispered, and was aware of the
admiring glances of the curious. Even popularity had its drawbacks. He
got down in front of a big hotel and chose a taxicab from the waiting
rank, exhorting the driver to make his best speed to the station.
Leaning back in the soft depths of the cab, he savored his
independence, cheered already by the swaying, lurching speed. At the
station he tipped the driver in lordly fashion, very much pleased with
himself and anxious to give pleasure. Only the sternest prudence and
an unconquerable awe of uniform had kept him from tossing bills to the
various traffic policemen who had seemed to smile upon his hurry.

No through train left for hours; but after the first disappointment of
momentary check, he decided that he was more pleased than otherwise.
It would save embarrassment. He was going South, where his color would
be more considered than his reputation, and on the little local he
chose there was a "Jim Crow" car--one, that is, specially set aside
for those of his race. That it proved crowded and full of smoke did
not trouble him at all, nor did the admiring pleasantries which the
splendor of his apparel immediately called forth. No one knew him;
indeed, he was naturally enough mistaken for a prosperous gambler, a
not unflattering supposition. In the yard, after the train pulled out,
he saw his private car under a glaring arc light, and grinned to see
it left behind.

He spent the night pleasantly in a noisy game of high-low-jack, and
the next morning slept more soundly than he had slept for weeks,
hunched upon a wooden bench in the boxlike station of a North Carolina
junction. The express would have brought him to Jacksonville in
twenty-four hours; the journey, as he took it, boarding any local that
happened to be going south, and leaving it for meals or sometimes for
sleep or often as the whim possessed him, filled five happy days.
There he took a night train, and dozed from Jacksonville until a
little north of New Smyrna.

He awoke to find it broad daylight, and the car half empty. The train
was on a siding, with news of a freight wreck ahead. Gideon stretched
himself, and looked out of the window, and emotion seized him. For all
his journey the South had seemed to welcome him, but here at last was
the country he knew. He went out upon the platform and threw back his
head, sniffing the soft breeze, heavy with the mysterious thrill of
unplowed acres, the wondrous existence of primordial jungle, where
life has rioted unceasingly above unceasing decay. It was dry with the
fine dust of waste places, and wet with the warm mists of slumbering
swamps; it seemed to Gideon to tremble with the songs of birds, the
dry murmur of palm leaves, and the almost inaudible whisper of the
gray moss that festooned the live-oaks.

"Um-m-m," he murmured, apostrophizing it, "yo' 's the right kind o'
breeze, yo' is. Yo'-all's healthy." Still sniffing, he climbed down to
the dusty road-bed.

The negroes who had ridden with him were sprawled about him on the
ground; one of them lay sleeping, face up, in the sunlight. The train
had evidently been there for some time, and there were no signs of an
immediate departure. He bought some oranges of a little, bowlegged
black boy, and sat down on a log to eat them and to give up his mind
to enjoyment. The sun was hot upon him, and his thoughts were vague
and drowsy. He was glad that he was alive, glad to be back once more
among familiar scenes. Down the length of the train he saw white
passengers from the Pullmans restlessly pacing up and down, getting
into their cars and out of them, consulting watches, attaching
themselves with gesticulatory expostulation to various officials; but
their impatience found no echo in his thought. What was the hurry?
There was plenty of time. It was sufficient to have come to his own
land; the actual walls of home could wait. The delay was pleasant,
with its opportunity for drowsy sunning, its relief from the grimy
monotony of travel. He glanced at the orange-colored "Jim Crow" with
distaste, and inspiration, dawning slowly upon him, swept all other
thought before it in its great and growing glory.

A brakeman passed, and Gideon leaped to his feet and pursued him.

"Misteh, how long yo'-all reckon this train goin' to be?"

"About an hour."

The question had been a mere matter of form. Gideon had made up his
mind, and if he had been told that they started in five minutes he
would not have changed it. He climbed back into the car for his coat
and his hat, and then almost furtively stole down the steps again and
slipped quietly into the palmetto scrub.

"'Most made the mistake of ma life," he chuckled, "stickin' to that
ol' train foheveh. 'T isn't the right way at, all foh Gideon to come
home."

The river was not far away. He could catch the dancing blue of it from
time to time in ragged vista, and for this beacon he steered directly.
His coat was heavy on his arm, his thin patent-leather ties pinched
and burned and demanded detours around swampy places, but he was
happy.

As he went along, his plan perfected itself. He would get into loose
shoes again, old ones, if money could buy them, and old clothes, too.
The bull-briers snatching at his tailored splendor suggested that.

He laughed when the Florida partridge, a small quail, whirred up from
under his feet; he paused to exchange affectionate mockery with red
squirrels; and once, even when he was brought up suddenly to a
familiar and ominous, dry reverberation, the small, crisp sound of the
rolling drums of death, he did not look about him for some instrument
of destruction, as at any other time he would have done, but instead
peered cautiously over the log before him, and spoke in tolerant
admonition:

"Now, Misteh Rattlesnake, yo' jes min' yo' own business. Nobody's
goin' step on yo', ner go triflin' roun' yo' in no way whatsomeveh.
Yo' jes lay there in the sun an' git 's fat 's yo' please. Don' yo'
tu'n yo' weeked li'l' eyes on Gideon. He's jes goin' 'long home, an'
ain' lookin' foh no muss."

He came presently to the water, and, as luck would have it, to a
little group of negro cabins, where he was able to buy old clothes
and, after much dickering, a long and somewhat leaky rowboat rigged
out with a tattered leg-of-mutton sail. This he provisioned with a jug
of water, a starch box full of white corn-meal, and a wide strip of
lean razorback bacon.

As he pushed out from shore and set his sail to the small breeze that
blew down from the north, an absolute contentment possessed him. The
idle waters of the lagoon, lying without tide or current in eternal
indolence, rippled and sparkled in breeze and sunlight with a merry
surface activity, and seemed to lap the leaky little boat more swiftly
on its way. Mosquito Inlet opened broadly before him, and skirting the
end of Merritt's Island he came at last into that longest lagoon, with
which he was most familiar, the Indian River. Here the wind died down
to a mere breath, which barely kept his boat in motion; but he made no
attempt to row. As long as he moved at all, he was satisfied. He was
living the fulfilment of his dreams in exile, lounging in the stern in
the ancient clothes he had purchased, his feet stretched comfortably
before him in their broken shoes, one foot upon a thwart, the other
hanging overside so laxly that occasional ripples lapped the run-over
heel. From time to time he scanned shore and river for familiar points
of interest--some remembered snag that showed the tip of one gnarled
branch. Or he marked a newly fallen palmetto, already rotting in the
water, which must be added to that map of vast detail that he carried
in his head. But for the most part his broad black face was turned up
to the blue brilliance above him in unblinking contemplation; his keen
eyes, brilliant despite their sun-muddied whites, reveled in the
heights above him, swinging from horizon to horizon in the wake of an
orderly file of little bluebill ducks, winging their way across the
river, or brightening with interest at the rarer sight of a pair of
mallards or redheads, lifting with the soaring circles of the great
bald-headed eagle, or following the scattered squadron of heron--white
heron, blue heron, young and old, trailing, sunlit, brilliant patches,
clear even against the bright white and blue of the sky above them.

Often he laughed aloud, sending a great shout of mirth across the
water in fresh relish of those comedies best known and best enjoyed.
It was as excruciatingly funny as it had ever been, when his boat
nosed its way into a great flock of ducks idling upon the water, to
see the mad paddling haste of those nearest him, the reproachful turn
of their heads, or, if he came too near, their spattering run out of
water, feet and wings pumping together as they rose from the surface,
looking for all the world like fat little women, scurrying with
clutched skirts across city streets. The pelicans, too, delighted him
as they perched with pedantic solemnity upon wharf-piles, or sailed in
hunched and huddled gravity twenty feet above the river's surface in
swift, dignified flight, which always ended suddenly in an abrupt,
up-ended plunge that threw dignity to the winds in its greedy haste,
and dropped them crashing into the water.

When darkness came suddenly at last, he made in toward shore, mooring
to the warm-fretted end of a fallen and forgotten landing. A
straggling orange-grove was here, broken lines of vanquished
cultivation, struggling little trees swathed and choked in the
festooning gray moss, still showing here and there the valiant golden
gleam of fruit. Gideon had seen many such places, had seen settlers
come and clear themselves a space in the jungle, plant their groves,
and live for a while in lazy independence; and then for some reason or
other they would go, and before they had scarcely turned their backs,
the jungle had crept in again, patiently restoring its ancient
sovereignty. The place was eery with the ghost of dead effort; but it
pleased him.

He made a fire and cooked supper, eating enormously and with relish.
His conscience did not trouble him at all. Stuhk and his own career
seemed already distant; they took small place in his thoughts, and
served merely as a background for his present absolute content. He
picked some oranges, and ate them in meditative enjoyment. For a while
he nodded, half asleep, beside his fire, watching the darkened river,
where the mullet, shimmering with phosphorescence, still leaped
starkly above the surface, and fell in spattering brilliance. Midnight
found him sprawled asleep beside his fire.

Once he awoke. The moon had risen, and a little breeze waved the
hanging moss, and whispered in the glossy foliage of orange and
palmetto with a sound like falling rain. Gideon sat up and peered
about him, rolling his eyes hither and thither at the menacing leap
and dance of the jet shadows. His heart was beating thickly, his
muscles twitched, and the awful terrors of night pulsed and shuddered
over him. Nameless specters peered at him from every shadow,
ingenerate familiars of his wild, forgotten blood. He groaned aloud in
a delicious terror; and presently, still twitching and shivering, fell
asleep again. It was as if something magical had happened; his fear
remembered the fear of centuries, and yet with the warm daylight was
absolutely forgotten.

He got up a little after sunrise, and went down to the river to bathe,
diving deep with a joyful sense of freeing himself from the last alien
dust of travel. Once ashore again, however, he began to prepare his
breakfast with some haste. For the first time in his journey he was
feeling a sense of loneliness and a longing for his kind. He was still
happy, but his laughter began to seem strange to him in the solitude.
He tried the defiant experiment of laughing for the effect of it, an
experiment which brought him to his feet in startled terror; for his
laughter was echoed. As he stood peering about him, the sound came
again, not laughter this time, but a suppressed giggle. It was human
beyond a doubt. Gideon's face shone with relief and sympathetic
amusement; he listened for a moment, and then strode surely forward
toward a clump of low palms. There he paused, every sense alert. His
ear caught a soft rustle, a little gasp of fear; the sound of a foot
moved cautiously.

"Missy," he said tentatively, "I reckon yo'-all's come jes 'bout 'n
time foh breakfus. Yo' betteh have some. Ef yo' ain' too white to sit
down with a black man."

The leaves parted, and a smiling face as black as Gideon's own
regarded him in shy amusement.

"Who is yo', man?"

"I mought be king of Kongo," he laughed, "but I ain't. Yo' see befo'
yo' jes Gideon--at yo'r 'steemed sehvice." He bowed elaborately in the
mock humility of assured importance, watching her face in pleasant
anticipation.

But neither awe nor rapture dawned there. She repeated the name,
inclining her head coquettishly; but it evidently meant nothing to
her. She was merely trying its sound. "Gideon, Gideon. I don' call to
min' any sech name ez that. Yo'-all's f'om up No'th likely." He was
beyond the reaches of fame.

"No," said Gideon, hardly knowing whether he was glad or sorry--"no, I
live south of heah. What-all's yo' name?"

The girl giggled deliciously.

"Man," she said, "I shu got the mos' reediculoustest name you eveh did
heah. They call me Vashti--yo' bacon's bu'nin'." She stepped out, and
ran past him to snatch his skillet deftly from the fire.

"Vashti"--a strange and delightful name. Gideon followed her slowly.
Her romantic coming and her romantic name pleased him; and, too, he
thought her beautiful. She was scarcely more than a girl, slim and
strong and almost of his own height. She was barefooted, but her
blue-checked gingham was clean and belted smartly about a small waist.
He remembered only one woman who ran as lithely as she did, one of the
numerous "diving beauties" of the vaudeville stage.

She cooked their breakfast, but he served her with an elaborate
gallantry, putting forward all his new and foreign graces, garnishing
his speech with imposing polysyllables, casting about their picnic
breakfast a radiant aura of grandeur borrowed from the recent days of
his fame. And he saw that he pleased her, and with her open admiration
essayed still greater flights of polished manner.

He made vague plans for delaying his journey as they sat smoking in
pleasant conversational ease; and when an interruption came it vexed
him.

"Vashty! Vashty!" a woman's voice sounded thin and far away.
"Vashty-y! Yo' heah me, chile?"

Vashti rose to her feet with a sigh.

"That's my ma," she said regretfully.

"What do yo' care?" asked Gideon. "Let her yell awhile."

The girl shook her head.

"Ma's a moughty pow'ful 'oman, and she done got a club 'bout the size
o' my wrist." She moved off a step or so, and glanced back at him.

Gideon leaped to his feet.

"When yo' comin' back? Yo'--yo' ain' goin' without----" He held out
his arms to her, but she only giggled and began to walk slowly away.
With a bound he was after her, one hand catching her lightly by the
shoulder. He felt suddenly that he must not lose sight of her.

"Let me go! Tu'n me loose, yo'!" The girl was still laughing, but
evidently troubled. She wrenched herself away with an effort, only to
be caught again a moment later. She screamed and struck at him as he
kissed her; for now she was really in terror.

The blow caught Gideon squarely in the mouth, and with such force that
he staggered back, astonished, while the girl took wildly to her
heels. He stood for a moment irresolute, for something was happening
to him. For months he had evaded love with a gentle embarrassment;
now, with the savage crash of that blow, he knew unreasoningly that he
had found his woman.

He leaped after her again, running as he had not run in years, in
savage, determined pursuit, tearing through brier and scrub, tripping,
falling, rising, never losing sight of the blue-clad figure before him
until at last she tripped and fell, and he stood panting above her.

He took a great breath or so, and leaned over and picked her up in his
arms, where she screamed and struck and scratched at him. He laughed,
for he felt no longer sensible to pain, and, still chuckling, picked
his way carefully back to the shore, wading deep into the water to
unmoor his boat. Then with a swift movement he dropped the girl into
the bow, pushed free, and clambered actively aboard.

The light, early morning breeze had freshened, and he made out well
toward the middle of the river, never even glancing around at the
sound of the hallooing he now heard from shore. His exertions had
quickened his breathing, but he felt strong and joyful. Vashti lay a
huddle of blue in the bow, crouched in fear and desolation, shaken and
torn with sobbing; but he made no effort to comfort her. He was
untroubled by any sense of wrong; he was simply and unreasoningly
satisfied with what he had done. Despite all his gentle, easygoing,
laughter-loving existence, he found nothing incongruous or unnatural
in this sudden act of violence. He was aglow with happiness; he was
taking home a wife. The blind tumult of capture had passed; a great
tenderness possessed him.

The leaky little boat was plunging and dancing in swift ecstasy of
movement; all about them the little waves ran glittering in the
sunlight, plashing and slapping against the boat's low side, tossing
tiny crests to the following wind, showing rifts of white here and
there, blowing handfuls of foam and spray. Gideon went softly about
the business of shortening his small sail, and came quietly back to
his steering-seat again. Soon he would have to be making for what lea
the western shore offered; but he was holding to the middle of the
river as long as he could, because with every mile the shores were
growing more familiar, calling to him to make what speed he could.
Vashti's sobbing had grown small and ceased; he wondered if she had
fallen asleep.

Presently, however, he saw her face raised--a face still shining with
tears. She saw that he was watching her, and crouched low again. A
dash of spray spattered over her, and she looked up frightened,
glancing fearfully overside; then once more her eyes came back to him,
and this time she got up, still small and crouching, and made her way
slowly and painfully down the length of the boat, until at last Gideon
moved aside for her, and she sank in the bottom beside him, hiding her
eyes in her gingham sleeve.

Gideon stretched out a broad hand and touched her head lightly; and
with a tiny gasp her fingers stole up to his.

"Honey," said Gideon--"Honey, yo' ain' mad, is yo'?"

She shook her head, not looking at him.

"Yo' ain' grievin' foh yo' ma?"

Again she shook her head.

"Because," said Gideon, smiling down at her, "I ain' got no beeg club
like she has."

A soft and smothered giggle answered him, and this time Vashti looked
up and laid her head against him with a small sigh of contentment.

Gideon felt very tender, very important, at peace with himself and all
the world. He rounded a jutting point, and stretched out a black hand,
pointing.

HOW THE WIDOW WON THE DEACON By William James Lampton ( -1917)

[From Harper's Bazaar, April, 1911; copyright, 1911, by Harper &Brothers; republished by permission.]
Of course the Widow Stimson never tried to win Deacon Hawkins, nor anyother man, for that matter. A widow doesn't have to try to win a man;she wins without trying. Still, the Widow Stimson sometimes wonderedwhy the deacon was so blind as not to see how her fine farm adjoininghis equally fine place on the outskirts of the town might not bebrought under one management with mutual benefit to both parties atinterest. Which one that management might become was a matter offuture detail. The widow knew how to run a farm successfully, and alarge farm is not much more difficult to run than one of half thesize. She had also had one husband, and knew something more thanrunning a farm successfully. Of all of which the deacon was perfectlywell aware, and still he had not been moved by the merging spirit ofthe age to propose consolidation.
This interesting situation was up for discussion at the Wednesdayafternoon meeting of the Sisters' Sewing Society.
"For my part," Sister Susan Spicer, wife of the Methodist minister,remarked as she took another tuck in a fourteen-year-old girl's skirtfor a ten-year-old--"for my part, I can't see why Deacon Hawkins andKate Stimson don't see the error of their ways and depart from them."
"I rather guess _she_ has," smiled Sister Poteet, the grocer's betterhalf, who had taken an afternoon off from the store in order to bepresent.
"Or is willing to," added Sister Maria Cartridge, a spinster stillpossessing faith, hope, and charity, notwithstanding she had been onthe waiting list a long time.
"Really, now," exclaimed little Sister Green, the doctor's wife, "doyou think it is the deacon who needs urging?"
"It looks that way to me," Sister Poteet did not hesitate to affirm.
"Well, I heard Sister Clark say that she had heard him call her'Kitty' one night when they were eating ice-cream at the MiteSociety," Sister Candish, the druggist's wife, added to the fund ofreliable information on hand.
"'Kitty,' indeed!" protested Sister Spicer. "The idea of anybodycalling Kate Stimson 'Kitty'! The deacon will talk that way to 'mostany woman, but if she let him say it to her more than once, she mustbe getting mighty anxious, I think."
"Oh," Sister Candish hastened to explain, "Sister Clark didn't say shehad heard him say it twice.'"
"Well, I don't think she heard him say it once," Sister Spicerasserted with confidence.
"I don't know about that," Sister Poteet argued. "From all I can seeand hear I think Kate Stimson wouldn't object to 'most anything thedeacon would say to her, knowing as she does that he ain't going tosay anything he shouldn't say."
"And isn't saying what he should," added Sister Green, with a slysnicker, which went around the room softly.
"But as I was saying--" Sister Spicer began, when Sister Poteet, whoserocker, near the window, commanded a view of the front gate,interrupted with a warning, "'Sh-'sh."
"Why shouldn't I say what I wanted to when--" Sister Spicer began.
"There she comes now," explained Sister Poteet, "and as I live thedeacon drove her here in his sleigh, and he's waiting while she comesin. I wonder what next," and Sister Poteet, in conjunction with theentire society, gasped and held their eager breaths, awaiting theentrance of the subject of conversation.
Sister Spicer went to the front door to let her in, and she wasgreeted with the greatest cordiality by everybody.
"We were just talking about you and wondering why you were so latecoming," cried Sister Poteet. "Now take off your things and make upfor lost time. There's a pair of pants over there to be cut down tofit that poor little Snithers boy."
The excitement and curiosity of the society were almost more thancould be borne, but never a sister let on that she knew the deacon wasat the gate waiting. Indeed, as far as the widow could discover, therewas not the slightest indication that anybody had ever heard there wassuch a person as the deacon in existence.
"Oh," she chirruped, in the liveliest of humors, "you will have toexcuse me for today. Deacon Hawkins overtook me on the way here, andhere said I had simply got to go sleigh-riding with him. He's waitingout at the gate now."
"Is that so?" exclaimed the society unanimously, and rushed to thewindow to see if it were really true.
"Well, did you ever?" commented Sister Poteet, generally.
"Hardly ever," laughed the widow, good-naturedly, "and I don't want tolose the chance. You know Deacon Hawkins isn't asking somebody everyday to go sleighing with him. I told him I'd go if he would bring mearound here to let you know what had become of me, and so he did. Now,good-by, and I'll be sure to be present at the next meeting. I have tohurry because he'll get fidgety."
The widow ran away like a lively schoolgirl. All the sisters watchedher get into the sleigh with the deacon, and resumed the previousdiscussion with greatly increased interest.
But little recked the widow and less recked the deacon. He had boughta new horse and he wanted the widow's opinion of it, for the WidowStimson was a competent judge of fine horseflesh. If Deacon Hawkinshad one insatiable ambition it was to own a horse which could flingits heels in the face of the best that Squire Hopkins drove. In hisearly manhood the deacon was no deacon by a great deal. But as theyears gathered in behind him he put off most of the frivolities ofyouth and held now only to the one of driving a fast horse. No otherman in the county drove anything faster except Squire Hopkins, and himthe deacon had not been able to throw the dust over. The deacon wouldget good ones, but somehow never could he find one that the squiredidn't get a better. The squire had also in the early days beaten thedeacon in the race for a certain pretty girl he dreamed about. But thegirl and the squire had lived happily ever after and the deacon, beinga philosopher, might have forgotten the squire's superiority had itbeen manifested in this one regard only. But in horses, too--thatgraveled the deacon.
"How much did you give for him?" was the widow's first query, afterthey had reached a stretch of road that was good going and the deaconhad let him out for a length or two.
"Well, what do you suppose? You're a judge."
"More than I would give, I'll bet a cookie."
"Not if you was as anxious as I am to show Hopkins that he can't driveby everything on the pike."
"I thought you loved a good horse because he was a good horse," saidthe widow, rather disapprovingly.
"I do, but I could love him a good deal harder if he would stay infront of Hopkins's best."
"Does he know you've got this one?"
"Yes, and he's been blowing round town that he is waiting to pick meup on the road some day and make my five hundred dollars look like apewter quarter."
"So you gave five hundred dollars for him, did you?" laughed thewidow.
"Is it too much?"
"Um-er," hesitated the widow, glancing along the graceful lines of thepowerful trotter, "I suppose not if you can beat the squire."
"Right you are," crowed the deacon, "and I'll show him a thing or twoin getting over the ground," he added with swelling pride.
"Well, I hope he won't be out looking for you today, with me in yoursleigh," said the widow, almost apprehensively, "because, you know,deacon, I have always wanted you to beat Squire Hopkins."
The deacon looked at her sharply. There was a softness in her tonesthat appealed to him, even if she had not expressed such agreeablesentiments. Just what the deacon might have said or done after theimpulse had been set going must remain unknown, for at the crucialmoment a sound of militant bells, bells of defiance, jangled up behindthem, disturbing their personal absorption, and they looked aroundsimultaneously. Behind the bells was the squire in his sleigh drawn byhis fastest stepper, and he was alone, as the deacon was not. Thewidow weighed one hundred and sixty pounds, net--which is weighting ahorse in a race rather more than the law allows.
But the deacon never thought of that. Forgetting everything except hischerished ambition, he braced himself for the contest, took a twisthold on the lines, sent a sharp, quick call to his horse, and let himout for all that was in him. The squire followed suit and the deacon.The road was wide and the snow was worn down smooth. The trackcouldn't have been in better condition. The Hopkins colors were notfive rods behind the Hawkins colors as they got away. For half a mileit was nip and tuck, the deacon encouraging his horse and the widowencouraging the deacon, and then the squire began creeping up. Thedeacon's horse was a good one, but he was not accustomed to haulingfreight in a race. A half-mile of it was as much as he could stand,and he weakened under the strain.
Not handicapped, the squire's horse forged ahead, and as his nosepushed up to the dashboard of the deacon's sleigh, that good mangroaned in agonized disappointment and bitterness of spirit. The widowwas mad all over that Squire Hopkins should take such a mean advantageof his rival. Why didn't he wait till another time when the deacon wasalone, as he was? If she had her way she never would, speak to SquireHopkins again, nor to his wife, either. But her resentment was nothelping the deacon's horse to win.
Slowly the squire pulled closer to the front; the deacon's horse,realizing what it meant to his master and to him, spurted bravely,but, struggle as gamely as he might, the odds were too many for him,and he dropped to the rear. The squire shouted in triumph as he drewpast the deacon, and the dejected Hawkins shrivelled into a heap onthe seat, with only his hands sufficiently alive to hold the lines. Hehad been beaten again, humiliated before a woman, and that, too, withthe best horse that he could hope to put against the ever-conqueringsquire. Here sank his fondest hopes, here ended his ambition. Fromthis on he would drive a mule or an automobile. The fruit of hisdesire had turned to ashes in his mouth.
But no. What of the widow? She realized, if the deacon did not, thatshe, not the squire's horse, had beaten the deacon's, and she wasready to make what atonement she could. As the squire passed ahead ofthe deacon she was stirred by a noble resolve. A deep bed of driftedsnow lay close by the side of the road not far in front. It was softand safe and she smiled as she looked at it as though waiting for her.Without a hint of her purpose, or a sign to disturb the deacon in hisfinal throes, she rose as the sleigh ran near its edge, and with aspring which had many a time sent her lightly from the ground to thebare back of a horse in the meadow, she cleared the robes and litplump in the drift. The deacon's horse knew before the deacon did thatsomething had happened in his favor, and was quick to respond. Withhis first jump of relief the deacon suddenly revived, his hopes camefast again, his blood retingled, he gathered himself, and, crackinghis lines, he shot forward, and three minutes later he had passed thesquire as though he were hitched to the fence. For a quarter of a milethe squire made heroic efforts to recover his vanished prestige, buteffort was useless, and finally concluding that he was practicallyleft standing, he veered off from the main road down a farm lane tofind some spot in which to hide the humiliation of his defeat. Thedeacon, still going at a clipping gait, had one eye over his shoulderas wary drivers always have on such occasions, and when he saw thesquire was off the track he slowed down and jogged along with theapparent intention of continuing indefinitely. Presently an ideastruck him, and he looked around for the widow. She was not where hehad seen her last. Where was she? In the enthusiasm of victory he hadforgotten her. He was so dejected at the moment she had leaped that hedid not realize what she had done, and two minutes later he was soelated that, shame on him! he did not care. With her, all was lost;without her, all was won, and the deacon's greatest ambition was towin. But now, with victory perched on his horse-collar, success his atlast, he thought of the widow, and he did care. He cared so much thathe almost threw his horse off his feet by the abrupt turn he gave him,and back down the pike he flew as if a legion of squires were afterhim.
He did not know what injury she might have sustained; She might havebeen seriously hurt, if not actually killed. And why? Simply to makeit possible for him to win. The deacon shivered as he thought of it,and urged his horse to greater speed. The squire, down the lane, sawhim whizzing along and accepted it profanely as an exhibition for hisespecial benefit. The deacon now had forgotten the squire as he hadonly so shortly before forgotten the widow. Two hundred yards from thedrift into which she had jumped there was a turn in the road, wheresome trees shut off the sight, and the deacon's anxiety increasedmomentarily until he reached this point. From here he could see ahead,and down there in the middle of the road stood the widow waving hershawl as a banner of triumph, though she could only guess at results.The deacon came on with a rush, and pulled up alongside of her in acondition of nervousness he didn't think possible to him.
"Hooray! hooray!" shouted the widow, tossing her shawl into the air."You beat him. I know you did. Didn't you? I saw you pulling ahead atthe turn yonder. Where is he and his old plug?"
"Oh, bother take him and his horse and the race and everything. Areyou hurt?" gasped the deacon, jumping out, but mindful to keep thelines in his hand. "Are you hurt?" he repeated, anxiously, though shelooked anything but a hurt woman.
"If I am," she chirped, cheerily, "I'm not hurt half as bad as I wouldhave been if the squire had beat you, deacon. Now don't you worryabout me. Let's hurry back to town so the squire won't get anotherchance, with no place for me to jump."
And the deacon? Well, well, with the lines in the crook of his elbowthe deacon held out his arms to the widow and----. The sisters at thenext meeting of the Sewing Society were unanimously of the opinionthat any woman who would risk her life like that for a husband wasmighty anxious.

A CALL By Grace MacGowan Cooke (1863- )

[From _Harper's Magazine_, August, 1906. Copyright, 1906, by Harper &
Brothers. Republished by the author's permission.]

A boy in an unnaturally clean, country-laundered collar walked down a
long white road. He scuffed the dust up wantonly, for he wished to
veil the all-too-brilliant polish of his cowhide shoes. Also the
memory of the whiteness and slipperiness of his collar oppressed him.
He was fain to look like one accustomed to social diversions, a man
hurried from hall to hall of pleasure, without time between to change
collar or polish boot. He stooped and rubbed a crumb of earth on his
overfresh neck-linen.

This did not long sustain his drooping spirit. He was mentally adrift
upon the _Hints and Helps to Young Men in Business and Social
Relations_, which had suggested to him his present enterprise, when
the appearance of a second youth, taller and broader than himself,
with a shock of light curling hair and a crop of freckles that
advertised a rich soil threw him a lifeline. He put his thumbs to his
lips and whistled in a peculiarly ear-splitting way. The two boys had
sat on the same bench at Sunday-school not three hours before; yet
what a change had come over the world for one of them since then!

"Hello! Where you goin', Ab?" asked the newcomer, gruffly.

"Callin'," replied the boy in the collar, laconically, but with
carefully averted gaze.

"On the girls?" inquired the other, awestruck. In Mount Pisgah you saw
the girls home from night church, socials, or parties; you could hang
over the gate; and you might walk with a girl in the cemetery of a
Sunday afternoon; but to ring a front-door bell and ask for Miss
Heart's Desire one must have been in long trousers at least three
years--and the two boys confronted in the dusty road had worn these
dignifying garments barely six months.

"Girls," said Abner, loftily; "I don't know about girls--I'm just
going to call on one girl--Champe Claiborne." He marched on as though
the conversation was at an end; but Ross hung upon his flank. Ross and
Champe were neighbors, comrades in all sorts of mischief; he was in
doubt whether to halt Abner and pummel him, or propose to enlist under
his banner.

"Do you reckon you could?" he debated, trotting along by the
irresponsive Jilton boy.

"Run home to your mother," growled the originator of the plan,
savagely. "You ain't old enough to call on girls; anybody can see
that; but I am, and I'm going to call on Champe Claiborne."

Again the name acted as a spur on Ross. "With your collar and boots
all dirty?" he jeered. "They won't know you're callin'."

The boy in the road stopped short in his dusty tracks. He was an
intense creature, and he whitened at the tragic insinuation, longing
for the wholesome stay and companionship of freckle-faced Ross. "I put
the dirt on o' purpose so's to look kind of careless," he half
whispered, in an agony of doubt. "S'pose I'd better go into your house
and try to wash it off? Reckon your mother would let me?"

"I've got two clean collars," announced the other boy, proudly
generous. "I'll lend you one. You can put it on while I'm getting
ready. I'll tell mother that we're just stepping out to do a little
calling on the girls."

Here was an ally worthy of the cause. Abner welcomed him, in spite of
certain jealous twinges. He reflected with satisfaction that there
were two Claiborne girls, and though Alicia was so stiff and prim that
no boy would ever think of calling on her, there was still the hope
that she might draw Ross's fire, and leave him, Abner, to make the
numerous remarks he had stored up in his mind from _Hints and Helps to
Young Men in Social and Business Relations_ to Champe alone.

Mrs. Pryor received them with the easy-going kindness of the mother of
one son. She followed them into the dining-room to kiss and feed him,
with an absent "Howdy, Abner; how's your mother?"

Abner, big with the importance of their mutual intention, inclined his
head stiffly and looked toward Ross for explanation. He trembled a
little, but it was with delight, as he anticipated the effect of the
speech Ross had outlined. But it did not come.

"I'm not hungry, mother," was the revised edition which the
freckle-faced boy offered to the maternal ear. "I--we are going over
to Mr. Claiborne's--on--er--on an errand for Abner's father."

The black-eyed boy looked reproach as they clattered up the stairs to
Ross's room, where the clean collar was produced and a small stock of
ties.

"You'd wear a necktie--wouldn't you?" Ross asked, spreading them upon
the bureau-top.

"Yes. But make it fall carelessly over your shirt-front," advised the
student of _Hints and Helps_. "Your collar is miles too big for me.
Say! I've got a wad of white chewing-gum; would you flat it out and
stick it over the collar button? Maybe that would fill up some. You
kick my foot if you see me turning my head so's to knock it off."

"Better button up your vest," cautioned Ross, laboring with the
"careless" fall of his tie.

"Huh-uh! I want 'that easy air which presupposes familiarity with
society'--that's what it says in my book," objected Abner.

"Sure!" Ross returned to his more familiar jeering attitude. "Loosen
up all your clothes, then. Why don't you untie your shoes? Flop a sock
down over one of 'em--that looks 'easy' all right."

Abner buttoned his vest. "It gives a man lots of confidence to know
he's good-looking," he remarked, taking all the room in front of the
mirror.

Ross, at the wash-stand soaking his hair to get the curl out of it,
grumbled some unintelligible response. The two boys went down the
stairs with tremulous hearts.

"Why, you've put on another clean shirt, Rossie!" Mrs. Pryor called
from her chair--mothers' eyes can see so far! "Well--don't get into
any dirty play and soil it." The boys walked in silence--but it was a
pregnant silence; for as the roof of the Claiborne house began to peer
above the crest of the hill, Ross plumped down on a stone and
announced, "I ain't goin'."

"Come on," urged the black-eyed boy. "It'll be fun--and everybody will
respect us more. Champe won't throw rocks at us in recess-time, after
we've called on her. She couldn't."

"Called!" grunted Ross. "I couldn't make a call any more than a cow.
What'd I say? What'd I do? I can behave all right when you just go to
people's houses--but a call!"

Abner hesitated. Should he give away his brilliant inside information,
drawn from the _Hints and Helps_ book, and be rivalled in the glory of
his manners and bearing? Why should he not pass on alone, perfectly
composed, and reap the field of glory unsupported? His knees gave way
and he sat down without intending it.

"Don't you tell anybody and I'll put you on to exactly what grown-up
gentlemen say and do when they go calling on the girls," he began.

"Fire away," retorted Ross, gloomily. "Nobody will find out from me.
Dead men tell no tales. If I'm fool enough to go, I don't expect to
come out of it alive."

Abner rose, white and shaking, and thrusting three fingers into the
buttoning of his vest, extending the other hand like an orator,
proceeded to instruct the freckled, perspiring disciple at his feet.

"'Hang your hat on the rack, or give it to a servant.'" Ross nodded
intelligently. He could do that.

"'Let your legs be gracefully disposed, one hand on the knee, the
other--'"

Abner came to an unhappy pause. "I forget what a fellow does with the
other hand. Might stick it in your pocket, loudly, or expectorate on
the carpet. Indulge in little frivolity. Let a rich stream of
conversation flow.'"

Ross mentally dug within himself for sources of rich streams of
conversation. He found a dry soil. "What you goin' to talk about?" he
demanded, fretfully. "I won't go a step farther till I know what I'm
goin' to say when I get there."

Abner began to repeat paragraphs from _Hints and Helps_. "'It is best
to remark,'" he opened, in an unnatural voice, "'How well you are
looking!' although fulsome compliments should be avoided. When seated
ask the young lady who her favorite composer is.'"

"What's a composer?" inquired Ross, with visions of soothing-syrup in
his mind.

"A man that makes up music. Don't butt in that way; you put me all
out--'composer is. Name yours. Ask her what piece of music she likes
best. Name yours. If the lady is musical, here ask her to play or
sing.'"

This chanted recitation seemed to have a hypnotic effect on the
freckled boy; his big pupils contracted each time Abner came to the
repetend, "Name yours."

"I'm tired already," he grumbled; but some spell made him rise and
fare farther.

When they had entered the Claiborne gate, they leaned toward each
other like young saplings weakened at the root and locking branches to
keep what shallow foothold on earth remained.

"You're goin' in first," asserted Ross, but without conviction. It was
his custom to tear up to this house a dozen times a week, on his
father's old horse or afoot; he was wont to yell for Champe as he
approached, and quarrel joyously with her while he performed such
errand as he had come upon; but he was gagged and hamstrung now by the
hypnotism of Abner's scheme.

"'Walk quietly up the steps; ring the bell and lay your card on the
servant,'" quoted Abner, who had never heard of a server.

"'Lay your card on the servant!'" echoed Ross. "Cady'd dodge. There's
a porch to cross after you go up the steps--does it say anything about
that?"

"It says that the card should be placed on the servant," Abner
reiterated, doggedly. "If Cady dodges, it ain't any business of mine.
There are no porches in my book. Just walk across it like anybody.
We'll ask for Miss Champe Claiborne."

"We haven't got any cards," discovered Ross, with hope.

"I have," announced Abner, pompously. "I had some struck off in
Chicago. I ordered 'em by mail. They got my name Pillow, but there's a
scalloped gilt border around it. You can write your name on my card.
Got a pencil?"

He produced the bit of cardboard; Ross fished up a chewed stump of
lead pencil, took it in cold, stiff fingers, and disfigured the square
with eccentric scribblings.

"They'll know who it's meant for," he said, apologetically, "because
I'm here. What's likely to happen after we get rid of the card?"

"I told you about hanging your hat on the rack and disposing your
legs."

"I remember now," sighed Ross. They had been going slower and slower.
The angle of inclination toward each other became more and more
pronounced.

"We must stand by each other," whispered Abner.

"I will--if I can stand at all," murmured the other boy, huskily.

"Oh, Lord!" They had rounded the big clump of evergreens and found
Aunt Missouri Claiborne placidly rocking on the front porch! Directed
to mount steps and ring bell, to lay cards upon the servant, how
should one deal with a rosy-faced, plump lady of uncertain years in a
rocking-chair. What should a caller lay upon her? A lion in the way
could not have been more terrifying. Even retreat was cut off. Aunt
Missouri had seen them. "Howdy, boys; how are you?" she said, rocking
peacefully. The two stood before her like detected criminals.

Then, to Ross's dismay, Abner sank down on the lowest step of the
porch, the westering sun full in his hopeless eyes. He sat on his cap.
It was characteristic that the freckled boy remained standing. He
would walk up those steps according to plan and agreement, if at all.
He accepted no compromise. Folding his straw hat into a battered cone,
he watched anxiously for the delivery of the card. He was not sure
what Aunt Missouri's attitude might be if it were laid on her. He bent
down to his companion. "Go ahead," he whispered. "Lay the card."

Abner raised appealing eyes. "In a minute. Give me time," he pleaded.

"Mars' Ross--Mars' Ross! Head 'em off!" sounded a yell, and Babe, the
house-boy, came around the porch in pursuit of two half-grown
chickens.

"Help him, Rossie," prompted Aunt Missouri, sharply. "You boys can
stay to supper and have some of the chicken if you help catch them."

Had Ross taken time to think, he might have reflected that gentlemen
making formal calls seldom join in a chase after the main dish of the
family supper. But the needs of Babe were instant. The lad flung
himself sidewise, caught one chicken in his hat, while Babe fell upon
the other in the manner of a football player. Ross handed the pullet
to the house-boy, fearing that he had done something very much out of
character, then pulled the reluctant negro toward to the steps.

"Babe's a servant," he whispered to Abner, who had sat rigid through
the entire performance. "I helped him with the chickens, and he's got
to stand gentle while you lay the card on."

Confronted by the act itself, Abner was suddenly aware that he knew
not how to begin. He took refuge in dissimulation.

"Hush!" he whispered back. "Don't you see Mr. Claiborne's come
out?--He's going to read something to us."

Ross plumped down beside him. "Never mind the card; tell 'em," he
urged.

"Tell 'em yourself."

"No--let's cut and run."

"I--I think the worst of it is over. When Champe sees us she'll--"

Mention of Champe stiffened Ross's spine. If it had been glorious to
call upon her, how very terrible she would make it should they attempt
calling, fail, and the failure come to her knowledge! Some things were
easier to endure than others; he resolved to stay till the call was
made.

For half an hour the boys sat with drooping heads, and the old
gentleman read aloud, presumably to Aunt Missouri and themselves.
Finally their restless eyes discerned the two Claiborne girls walking
serene in Sunday trim under the trees at the edge of the lawn. Arms
entwined, they were whispering together and giggling a little. A
caller, Ross dared not use his voice to shout nor his legs to run
toward them.

"Why don't you go and talk to the girls, Rossie?" Aunt Missouri asked,
in the kindness of her heart. "Don't be noisy--it's Sunday, you
know--and don't get to playing anything that'll dirty up your good
clothes."

Ross pressed his lips hard together; his heart swelled with the rage
of the misunderstood. Had the card been in his possession, he would,
at that instant, have laid it on Aunt Missouri without a qualm.

"What is it?" demanded the old gentleman, a bit testily.

"The girls want to hear you read, father," said Aunt Missouri,
shrewdly; and she got up and trotted on short, fat ankles to the girls
in the arbor. The three returned together, Alicia casting curious
glances at the uncomfortable youths, Champe threatening to burst into
giggles with every breath.

Abner sat hard on his cap and blushed silently. Ross twisted his hat
into a three-cornered wreck.

The two girls settled themselves noisily on the upper step. The old
man read on and on. The sun sank lower. The hills were red in the west
as though a brush fire flamed behind their crests. Abner stole a
furtive glance at his companion in misery, and the dolor of Ross's
countenance somewhat assuaged his anguish. The freckle-faced boy was
thinking of the village over the hill, a certain pleasant white house
set back in a green yard, past whose gate, the two-plank sidewalk ran.
He knew lamps were beginning to wink in the windows of the neighbors
about, as though the houses said, "Our boys are all at home--but Ross
Pryor's out trying to call on the girls, and can't get anybody to
understand it." Oh, that he were walking down those two planks,
drawing a stick across the pickets, lifting high happy feet which
could turn in at that gate! He wouldn't care what the lamps said then.
He wouldn't even mind if the whole Claiborne family died laughing at
him--if only some power would raise him up from this paralyzing spot
and put him behind the safe barriers of his own home!

The old man's voice lapsed into silence; the light was becoming too
dim for his reading. Aunt Missouri turned and called over her shoulder
into the shadows of the big hall: "You Babe! Go put two extra plates
on the supper-table."

The boys grew red from the tips of their ears, and as far as any one
could see under their wilting collars. Abner felt the lump of gum come
loose and slip down a cold spine. Had their intentions but been known,
this inferential invitation would have been most welcome. It was but
to rise up and thunder out, "We came to call on the young ladies."

They did not rise. They did not thunder out anything. Babe brought a
lamp and set it inside the window, and Mr. Claiborne resumed his
reading. Champe giggled and said that Alicia made her. Alcia drew her
skirts about her, sniffed, and looked virtuous, and said she didn't
see anything funny to laugh at. The supper-bell rang. The family,
evidently taking it for granted that the boys would follow, went in.

Alone for the first time, Abner gave up. "This ain't any use," he
complained. "We ain't calling on anybody."

"Why didn't you lay on the card?" demanded Ross, fiercely. "Why
didn't you say: 'We've-just-dropped-into-call-on-Miss-Champe. It's-a
-pleasant-evening. We-feel-we-must-be-going,' like you said you would?
Then we could have lifted our hats and got away decently."

Abner showed no resentment.

"Oh, if it's so easy, why didn't you do it yourself?" he groaned.

"Somebody's coming," Ross muttered, hoarsely. "Say it now. Say it
quick."

The somebody proved to be Aunt Missouri, who advanced only as far as
the end of the hall and shouted cheerfully: "The idea of a growing boy
not coming to meals when the bell rings! I thought you two would be in
there ahead of us. Come on." And clinging to their head-coverings as
though these contained some charm whereby the owners might be rescued,
the unhappy callers were herded into the dining-room. There were many
things on the table that boys like. Both were becoming fairly
cheerful, when Aunt Missouri checked the biscuit-plate with: "I treat
my neighbors' children just like I'd want children of my own treated.
If your mothers let you eat all you want, say so, and I don't care;
but if either of them is a little bit particular, why, I'd stop at
six!"

Still reeling from this blow, the boys finally rose from the table and
passed out with the family, their hats clutched to their bosoms, and
clinging together for mutual aid and comfort. During the usual
Sunday-evening singing Champe laughed till Aunt Missouri threatened to
send her to bed. Abner's card slipped from his hand and dropped face
up on the floor. He fell upon it and tore it into infinitesimal
pieces.

"That must have been a love-letter," said Aunt Missouri, in a pause of
the music. "You boys are getting 'most old enough to think about
beginning to call on the girls." Her eyes twinkled.

Ross growled like a stoned cur. Abner took a sudden dive into _Hints
and Helps_, and came up with, "You flatter us, Miss Claiborne,"
whereat Ross snickered out like a human boy. They all stared at him.

"It sounds so funny to call Aunt Missouri 'Mis' Claiborne,'" the lad
of the freckles explained.

"Funny?" Aunt Missouri reddened. "I don't see any particular joke in
my having my maiden name."

Abner, who instantly guessed at what was in Ross's mind, turned white
at the thought of what they had escaped. Suppose he had laid on the
card and asked for Miss Claiborne!

"What's the matter, Champe?" inquired Ross, in a fairly natural tone.
The air he had drawn into his lungs when he laughed at Abner seemed to
relieve him from the numbing gentility which had bound his powers
since he joined Abner's ranks.

"Nothing. I laughed because you laughed," said the girl.

The singing went forward fitfully. Servants traipsed through the
darkened yard, going home for Sunday night. Aunt Missouri went out and
held some low-toned parley with them. Champe yawned with insulting
enthusiasm. Presently both girls quietly disappeared. Aunt Missouri
never returned to the parlor--evidently thinking that the girls would
attend to the final amenities with their callers. They were left alone
with old Mr. Claiborne. They sat as though bound in their chairs,
while the old man read in silence for a while. Finally he closed his
book, glanced about him, and observed absently:

"So you boys were to spend the night?" Then, as he looked at their
startled faces: "I'm right, am I not? You are to spent the night?"

Oh, for courage to say: "Thank you, no. We'll be going now. We just
came over to call on Miss Champe." But thought of how this would sound
in face of the facts, the painful realization that they dared not say
it because they _had_ not said it, locked their lips. Their feet were
lead; their tongues stiff and too large for their mouths. Like
creatures in a nightmare, they moved stiffly, one might have said
creakingly, up the stairs and received each--a bedroom candle!

"Good night, children," said the absent-minded old man. The two
gurgled out some sounds which were intended for words and doged behind
the bedroom door.

"They've put us to bed!" Abner's black eyes flashed fire. His nervous
hands clutched at the collar Ross had lent him. "That's what I get for
coming here with you, Ross Pryor!" And tears of humiliation stood in
his eyes.

In his turn Ross showed no resentment. "What I'm worried about is my
mother," he confessed. "She's so sharp about finding out things. She
wouldn't tease me--she'd just be sorry for me. But she'll think I went
home with you."

"I'd like to see my mother make a fuss about my calling on the girls!"
growled Abner, glad to let his rage take a safe direction.

"Calling on the girls! Have we called on any girls?" demanded
clear-headed, honest Ross.

"Not exactly--yet," admitted Abner, reluctantly. "Come on--let's go to
bed. Mr. Claiborne asked us, and he's the head of this household. It
isn't anybody's business what we came for."

"I'll slip off my shoes and lie down till Babe ties up the dog in the
morning," said Ross. "Then we can get away before any of the family is
up."

Oh, youth--youth--youth, with its rash promises! Worn out with misery
the boys slept heavily. The first sound that either heard in the
morning was Babe hammering upon their bedroom door. They crouched
guiltily and looked into each other's eyes. "Let pretend we ain't here
and he'll go away," breathed Abner.

But Babe was made of sterner stuff. He rattled the knob. He turned it.
He put in a black face with a grin which divided it from ear to ear.
"Cady say I mus' call dem fool boys to breakfus'," he announced. "I
never named you-all dat. Cady, she say dat."

"Breakfast!" echoed Ross, in a daze.

"Yessuh, breakfus'," reasserted Babe, coming entirely into the room
and looking curiously about him. "Ain't you-all done been to bed at
all?" wrapping his arms about his shoulders and shaking with silent
ecstasies of mirth. The boys threw themselves upon him and ejected
him.

"Sent up a servant to call us to breakfast," snarled Abner. "If they'd
only sent their old servant to the door in the first place, all this
wouldn't 'a' happened. I'm just that way when I get thrown off the
track. You know how it was when I tried to repeat those things to
you--I had to go clear back to the beginning when I got interrupted."

"Does that mean that you're still hanging around here to begin over
and make a call?" asked Ross, darkly. "I won't go down to breakfast if
you are."

Abner brightened a little as he saw Ross becoming wordy in his rage.
"I dare you to walk downstairs and say,
'We-just-dropped-in-to-call-on-Miss-Champe'!" he said.

"I--oh--I--darn it all! there goes the second bell. We may as well
trot down."

"Don't leave me, Ross," pleaded the Jilton boy. "I can't stay
here--and I can't go down."

The tone was hysterical. The boy with freckles took his companion by
the arm without another word and marched him down the stairs. "We may
get a chance yet to call on Champe all by herself out on the porch or
in the arbor before she goes to school," he suggested, by way of
putting some spine into the black-eyed boy.

An emphatic bell rang when they were half-way down the stairs.
Clutching their hats, they slunk into the dining-room. Even Mr.
Claiborne seemed to notice something unusual in their bearing as they
settled into the chairs assigned to them, and asked them kindly if
they had slept well.

It was plain that Aunt Missouri had been posting him as to her
understanding of the intentions of these young men. The state of
affairs gave an electric hilarity to the atmosphere. Babe travelled
from the sideboard to the table, trembling like chocolate pudding.
Cady insisted on bringing in the cakes herself, and grinned as she
whisked her starched blue skirts in and out of the dining-room. A
dimple even showed itself at the corners of pretty Alicia's prim
little mouth. Champe giggled, till Ross heard Cady whisper:

"Now you got one dem snickerin' spells agin. You gwine bust yo' dress
buttons off in the back ef you don't mind."

As the spirits of those about them mounted, the hearts of the two
youths sank--if it was like this among the Claibornes, what would it
be at school and in the world at large when their failure to connect
intention with result became village talk? Ross bit fiercely upon an
unoffending batter-cake, and resolved to make a call single-handed
before he left the house.

They went out of the dining-room, their hats as ever pressed to their
breasts. With no volition of their own, their uncertain young legs
carried them to the porch. The Claiborne family and household followed
like small boys after a circus procession. When the two turned, at
bay, yet with nothing between them and liberty but a hypnotism of
their own suggestion, they saw the black faces of the servants peering
over the family shoulders.

Ross was the boy to have drawn courage from the desperation of their
case, and made some decent if not glorious ending. But at the
psychological moment there came around the corner of the house that
most contemptible figure known to the Southern plantation, a
shirt-boy--a creature who may be described, for the benefit of those
not informed, as a pickaninny clad only in a long, coarse cotton
shirt. While all eyes were fastened upon him this inglorious
ambassador bolted forth his message:

"Yo' ma say"--his eyes were fixed upon Abner--"ef yo' don' come home,
she gwine come after yo'--an' cut yo' into inch pieces wid a rawhide
when she git yo'. Dat jest what Miss Hortense say."

As though such a book as _Hints and Helps_ had never existed, Abner
shot for the gate--he was but a hobbledehoy fascinated with the idea
of playing gentleman. But in Ross there were the makings of a man. For
a few half-hearted paces, under the first impulse of horror, he
followed his deserting chief, the laughter of the family, the
unrestrainable guffaws of the negroes, sounding in the rear. But when
Champe's high, offensive giggle, topping all the others, insulted his
ears, he stopped dead, wheeled, and ran to the porch faster than he
had fled from it. White as paper, shaking with inexpressible rage, he
caught and kissed the tittering girl, violently, noisily, before them
all.

The negroes fled--they dared not trust their feelings; even Alicia
sniggered unobtrusively; Grandfather Claiborne chuckled, and Aunt
Missouri frankly collapsed into her rocking-chair, bubbling with
mirth, crying out:

"Good for you, Ross! Seems you did know how to call on the girls,
after all."

But Ross, paying no attention, walked swiftly toward the gate. He had
served his novitiate. He would never be afraid again. With cheerful
alacrity he dodged the stones flung after him with friendly, erratic
aim by the girl upon whom, yesterday afternoon, he had come to make a
social call.

BARGAIN DAY AT TUTT HOUSE By George Randolph Chester (1869- )

[From McClure's Magazine, June, 1905; copyright, 1905, by the S.S.McClure Co.; republished by the author's permission.]

I
Just as the stage rumbled over the rickety old bridge, creaking andgroaning, the sun came from behind the clouds that had frowned all theway, and the passengers cheered up a bit. The two richly dressedmatrons who had been so utterly and unnecessarily oblivious to thepresence of each other now suspended hostilities for the moment bymutual and unspoken consent, and viewed with relief the little,golden-tinted valley and the tree-clad road just beyond. Therespective husbands of these two ladies exchanged a mere glance, nomore, of comfort. They, too, were relieved, though more by themomentary truce than by anything else. They regretted very much to becompelled to hate each other, for each had reckoned up his vis-à-visas a rather proper sort of fellow, probably a man of some achievement,used to good living and good company.
Extreme iciness was unavoidable between them, however. When onestranger has a splendidly preserved blonde wife and the other asplendidly preserved brunette wife, both of whom have won socialprominence by years of hard fighting and aloofness, there remainsnothing for the two men but to follow the lead, especially whendirectly under the eyes of the leaders.
The son of the blonde matron smiled cheerfully as the welcome lightflooded the coach.
He was a nice-looking young man, of about twenty-two, one might judge,and he did his smiling, though in a perfectly impersonal and correctsort of manner, at the pretty daughter of the brunette matron. Thepretty daughter also smiled, but her smile was demurely directed atthe trees outside, clad as they were in all the flaming glory of theirautumn tints, glistening with the recent rain and dripping with gemsthat sparkled and flashed in the noonday sun as they fell.
It is marvelous how much one can see out of the corner of the eye,while seeming to view mere scenery.
The driver looked down, as he drove safely off the bridge, and shookhis head at the swirl of water that rushed and eddied, dark and muddy,close up under the rotten planking; then he cracked his whip, and thehorses sturdily attacked the little hill.
Thick, overhanging trees on either side now dimmed the light again,and the two plump matrons once more glared past the oppositeshoulders, profoundly unaware of each other. The husbands took on thepolitely surly look required of them. The blonde son's eyes stillsought the brunette daughter, but it was furtively done and quiteunsuccessfully, for the daughter was now doing a little glaring on herown account. The blonde matron had just swept her eyes across thedaughter's skirt, estimating the fit and material of it with contemptso artistically veiled that it could almost be understood in the dark.

II
The big bays swung to the brow of the hill with ease, and dashed intoa small circular clearing, where a quaint little two-story building,with a mossy watering-trough out in front, nestled under the shade ofmajestic old trees that reared their brown and scarlet crowns proudlyinto the sky. A long, low porch ran across the front of the structure,and a complaining sign hung out announcing, in dim, weather-fleckedletters on a cracked board, that this was the "Tutt House." Agray-headed man, in brown overalls and faded blue jumper, stood on theporch and shook his fist at the stage as it whirled by.
"What a delightfully old-fashioned inn!" exclaimed the prettydaughter. "How I should like to stop there over night!"
"You would probably wish yourself away before morning, Evelyn,"replied her mother indifferently. "No doubt it would be a mere siegeof discomfort."
The blonde matron turned to her husband. The pretty daughter had beenlooking at the picturesque "inn" between the heads of this lady andher son.
"Edward, please pull down the shade behind me," she directed. "Thereis quite a draught from that broken window."
The pretty daughter bit her lip. The brunette matron continued tostare at the shade in the exact spot upon which her gaze had beenbefore directed, and she never quivered an eyelash. The young manseemed very uncomfortable, and he tried to look his apologies to thepretty daughter, but she could not see him now, not even if her eyeshad been all corners.
They were bowling along through another avenue of trees when thedriver suddenly shouted, "Whoa there!"
The horses were brought up with a jerk that was well nigh fatal to theassortment of dignity inside the coach. A loud roaring could be heard,both ahead and in the rear, a sharp splitting like a fusillade ofpistol shots, then a creaking and tearing of timbers. The driver bentsuddenly forward.
"Gid ap!" he cried, and the horses sprang forward with a lurch. Heswung them around a sharp bend with a skillful hand and poised hisweight above the brake as they plunged at terrific speed down a steepgrade. The roaring was louder than ever now, and it became deafeningas they suddenly emerged from the thick underbrush at the bottom ofthe declivity.
"Caught, by gravy!" ejaculated the driver, and, for the second time,he brought the coach to an abrupt stop.
"Do see what is the matter, Ralph," said the blonde matronimpatiently.
Thus commanded, the young man swung out and asked the driver about it.
"Paintsville dam's busted," he was informed. "I been a-lookin' fer itthis many a year, an' this here freshet done it. You see the hollerthere? Well, they's ten foot o' water in it, an' it had ort to bestone dry. The bridge is tore out behind us, an' we're stuck here tillthat water runs out. We can't git away till to-morry, anyways."
He pointed out the peculiar topography of the place, and Ralph gotback in the coach.
"We're practically on a flood-made island," he exclaimed, with one eyeon the pretty daughter, "and we shall have to stop over night at thatquaint, old-fashioned inn we passed a few moments ago."
The pretty daughter's eyes twinkled, and he thought he caught a swift,direct gleam from under the long lashes--but he was not sure.
"Dear me, how annoying," said the blonde matron, but the brunettematron still stared, without the slightest trace of interest inanything else, at the infinitesimal spot she had selected on theaffronting window-shade.
The two men gave sighs of resignation, and cast carefully concealedglances at each other, speculating on the possibility of a cigar and aglass, and maybe a good story or two, or possibly even a game of pokerafter the evening meal. Who could tell what might or might not happen?

III
When the stage drew up in front of the little hotel, it found UncleBilly Tutt prepared for his revenge. In former days the stage hadalways stopped at the Tutt House for the noonday meal. Since the newrailway was built through the adjoining county, however, the stagetrip became a mere twelve-mile, cross-country transfer from onerailroad to another, and the stage made a later trip, allowing thepassengers plenty of time for "dinner" before they started. Day afterday, as the coach flashed by with its money-laden passengers, UncleBilly had hoped that it would break down. But this was better, muchbetter. The coach might be quickly mended, but not the flood.
"I'm a-goin' t' charge 'em till they squeal," he declared to thetimidly protesting Aunt Margaret, "an' then I'm goin' t' charge 'em aleast mite more, drat 'em!"
He retreated behind the rough wooden counter that did duty as a desk,slammed open the flimsy, paper-bound "cash book" that served as aregister, and planted his elbows uncompromisingly on either side ofit.
"Let 'em bring in their own traps," he commented, and Aunt Margaretfled, ashamed and conscience-smitten, to the kitchen. It seemed awful.
The first one out of the coach was the husband of the brunette matron,and, proceeding under instructions, he waited neither for luggage norwomen folk, but hurried straight into the Tutt House. The other manwould have been neck and neck with him in the race, if it had not beenthat he paused to seize two suitcases and had the misfortune to dropone, which burst open and scattered a choice assortment of lingeriefrom one end of the dingy coach to the other.
In the confusion of rescuing the fluffery, the owner of the suitcasehad to sacrifice her hauteur and help her husband and son block up theaisle, while the other matron had the ineffable satisfaction of being_kept waiting_, at last being enabled to say, sweetly and with themost polite consideration:
"Will you kindly allow me to pass?"
The blonde matron raised up and swept her skirts back perfectly flat.She was pale but collected. Her husband was pink but collected. Herson was crimson and uncollected. The brunette daughter could not havefound an eye anywhere in his countenance as she rustled out after hermother.
"I do hope that Belmont has been able to secure choice quarters," thetriumphing matron remarked as her daughter joined her on the ground."This place looked so very small that there can scarcely be more thanone comfortable suite in it."
It was a vital thrust. Only a splendidly cultivated self-controlprevented the blonde matron from retaliating upon the unfortunate whohad muddled things. Even so, her eyes spoke whole shelves of volumes.
The man who first reached the register wrote, in a straight blackscrawl, "J. Belmont Van Kamp, wife, and daughter." There being nospace left for his address, he put none down.
"I want three adjoining rooms, en suite if possible," he demanded.
"Three!" exclaimed Uncle Billy, scratching his head. "Won't two do ye?I ain't got but six bedrooms in th' house. Me an' Marg't sleeps inone, an' we're a-gittin' too old fer a shake-down on th' floor. I'llhave t' save one room fer th' driver, an' that leaves four. You taketwo now---"
Mr. Van Kamp cast a hasty glance out of the window, The other man wasgetting out of the coach. His own wife was stepping on the porch.
"What do you ask for meals and lodging until this time to-morrow?" heinterrupted.
The decisive moment had arrived. Uncle Billy drew a deep breath.
"Two dollars a head!" he defiantly announced. There! It was out! Hewished Margaret had stayed to hear him say it.
The guest did not seem to be seriously shocked, and Uncle Billy wasbeginning to be sorry he had not said three dollars, when Mr. Van Kampstopped the landlord's own breath.
"I'll give you fifteen dollars for the three best rooms in the house,"he calmly said, and Landlord Tutt gasped as the money fluttered downunder his nose.
"Jis' take yore folks right on up, Mr. Kamp," said Uncle Billy,pouncing on the money. "Th' rooms is th' three right along th' hullfront o' th' house. I'll be up and make on a fire in a minute. Jis'take th' _Jonesville Banner_ an' th' _Uticky Clarion_ along with ye."
As the swish of skirts marked the passage of the Van Kamps up the widehall stairway, the other party swept into the room.
The man wrote, in a round flourish, "Edward Eastman Ellsworth, wife,and son."
"I'd like three choice rooms, en suite," he said.
"Gosh!" said Uncle Billy, regretfully. "That's what Mr. Kamp wanted,fust off, an' he got it. They hain't but th' little room over th'kitchen left. I'll have to put you an' your wife in that, an' let yourboy sleep with th' driver."
The consternation in the Ellsworth party was past calculating by anyknown standards of measurement. The thing was an outrage! It was notto be borne! They would not submit to it!
Uncle Billy, however, secure in his mastery of the situation, calmlyquartered them as he had said. "An' let 'em splutter all they wantto," he commented comfortably to himself.

IV
The Ellsworths were holding a family indignation meeting on the broadporch when the Van Ramps came contentedly down for a walk, and brushedby them with unseeing eyes.
"It makes a perfectly fascinating suite," observed Mrs. Van Kamp, in apleasantly conversational tone that could be easily overheard byanyone impolite enough to listen. "That delightful old-fashionedfireplace in the middle apartment makes it an ideal sitting-room, andthe beds are so roomy and comfortable."
"I just knew it would be like this!" chirruped Miss Evelyn. "Iremarked as we passed the place, if you will remember, how charming itwould be to stop in this dear, quaint old inn over night. All mywishes seem to come true this year."
These simple and, of course, entirely unpremeditated remarks were asvinegar and wormwood to Mrs. Ellsworth, and she gazed after theretreating Van Kamps with a glint in her eye that would make oneunderstand Lucretia Borgia at last.
Her son also gazed after the retreating Van Kamp. She had an exquisitefigure, and she carried herself with a most delectable grace. As theparty drew away from the inn she dropped behind the elders andwandered off into a side path to gather autumn leaves.
Ralph, too, started off for a walk, but naturally not in the samedirection.
"Edward!" suddenly said Mrs. Ellsworth. "I want you to turn thosepeople out of that suite before night!"
"Very well," he replied with a sigh, and got up to do it. He hadwrecked a railroad and made one, and had operated successful cornersin nutmegs and chicory. No task seemed impossible. He walked in to seethe landlord.
"What are the Van Kamps paying you for those three rooms?" he asked.
"Fifteen dollars," Uncle Billy informed him, smoking one of Mr. VanKamp's good cigars and twiddling his thumbs in huge content.
"I'll give you thirty for them. Just set their baggage outside andtell them the rooms are occupied."
"No sir-ree!" rejoined Uncle Billy. "A bargain's a bargain, an' Iallus stick to one I make."
Mr. Ellsworth withdrew, but not defeated. He had never supposed thatsuch an absurd proposition would be accepted. It was only a feeler,and he had noticed a wince of regret in his landlord. He sat down onthe porch and lit a strong cigar. His wife did not bother him. Shegazed complacently at the flaming foliage opposite, and allowed him tothink. Getting impossible things was his business in life, and she hadconfidence in him.
"I want to rent your entire house for a week," he announced to UncleBilly a few minutes later. It had occurred to him that the flood mightlast longer than they anticipated.
Uncle Billy's eyes twinkled.
"I reckon it kin be did," he allowed. "I reckon a _ho_-tel man's got aright to rent his hull house ary minute."
"Of course he has. How much do you want?"
Uncle Billy had made one mistake in not asking this sort of folksenough, and he reflected in perplexity.
"Make me a offer," he proposed. "Ef it hain't enough I'll tell ye. Youwant to rent th' hull place, back lot an' all?"
"No, just the mere house. That will be enough," answered the otherwith a smile. He was on the point of offering a hundred dollars, whenhe saw the little wrinkles about Mr. Tutt's eyes, and he saidseventy-five.
"Sho, ye're jokin'!" retorted Uncle Billy. He had been considered afine horse-trader in that part of the country. "Make it a hundred andtwenty-five, an' I'll go ye."
Mr. Ellsworth counted out some bills.
"Here's a hundred," he said. "That ought to be about right."
"Fifteen more," insisted Uncle Billy.
With a little frown of impatience the other counted off the extramoney and handed it over. Uncle Billy gravely handed it back.
"Them's the fifteen dollars Mr. Kamp give me," he explained. "You'vegot the hull house fer a week, an' o' course all th' money that'stooken in is your'n. You kin do as ye please about rentin' out roomsto other folks, I reckon. A bargain's a bargain, an' I allus stick toone I make."

V
Ralph Ellsworth stalked among the trees, feverishly searching forsquirrels, scarlet leaves, and the glint of a brown walking-dress,this last not being so easy to locate in sunlit autumn woods. Timeafter time he quickened his pace, only to find that he had been fooledby a patch of dogwood, a clump of haw bushes or even a leaf-strewnknoll, but at last he unmistakably saw the dress, and then he sloweddown to a careless saunter.
She was reaching up for some brilliantly colored maple leaves, and wasentirely unconscious of his presence, especially after she had seenhim. Her pose showed her pretty figure to advantage, but, of course,she did not know that. How should she?
Ralph admired the picture very much. The hat, the hair, the gown, thedainty shoes, even the narrow strip of silken hose that was revealedas she stood a-uptoe, were all of a deep, rich brown that proved anexquisite foil for the pink and cream of her cheeks. He rememberedthat her eyes were almost the same shade, and wondered how it was thatwomen-folk happened on combinations in dress that so well set offtheir natural charms. The fool!
He was about three trees away, now, and a panic akin to that whichhunters describe as "buck ague" seized him. He decided that he reallyhad no excuse for coming any nearer. It would not do, either, to beseen staring at her if she should happen to turn her head, so heveered off, intending to regain the road. It would be impossible to dothis without passing directly in her range of vision, and he did notintend to try to avoid it. He had a fine, manly figure of his own.
He had just passed the nearest radius to her circle and was proceedingalong the tangent that he had laid out for himself, when the unwittingmaid looked carefully down and saw a tangle of roots at her very feet.She was so unfortunate, a second later, as to slip her foot in thisvery tangle and give her ankle ever so slight a twist.
"Oh!" cried Miss Van Kamp, and Ralph Ellsworth flew to the rescue. Hehad not been noticing her at all, and yet he had started to her sidebefore she had even cried out, which was strange. She had a veryattractive voice.
"May I be of assistance?" he anxiously inquired.
"I think not, thank you," she replied, compressing her lips to keepback the intolerable pain, and half-closing her eyes to show the finelashes. Declining the proffered help, she extricated her foot, pickedup her autumn branches, and turned away. She was intensely averse toanything that could be construed as a flirtation, even of the mildest,he could certainly see that. She took a step, swayed slightly, droppedthe leaves, and clutched out her hand to him.
"It is nothing," she assured him in a moment, withdrawing the handafter he had held it quite long enough. "Nothing whatever. I gave myfoot a slight wrench, and turned the least bit faint for a moment."
"You must permit me to walk back, at least to the road, with you," heinsisted, gathering up her armload of branches. "I couldn't think ofleaving you here alone."
As he stooped to raise the gay woodland treasures he smiled tohimself, ever so slightly. This was not _his_ first season out,either.
"Delightful spot, isn't it?" he observed as they regained the road andsauntered in the direction of the Tutt House.
"Quite so," she reservedly answered. She had noticed that smile as hestooped. He must be snubbed a little. It would be so good for him.
"You don't happen to know Billy Evans, of Boston, do you?" he asked.
"I think not. I am but very little acquainted in Boston."
"Too bad," he went on. "I was rather in hopes you knew Billy. Allsorts of a splendid fellow, and knows everybody."
"Not quite, it seems," she reminded him, and he winced at the error.In spite of the sly smile that he had permitted to himself, he wasunusually interested.
He tried the weather, the flood, the accident, golf, books and threegood, substantial, warranted jokes, but the conversation lagged inspite of him. Miss Van Kamp would not for the world have it understoodthat this unconventional meeting, made allowable by her wrenchedankle, could possibly fulfill the functions of a formal introduction.
"What a ripping, queer old building that is!" he exclaimed, making onemore brave effort as they came in sight of the hotel.
"It is, rather," she assented. "The rooms in it are as quaint anddelightful as the exterior, too."
She looked as harmless and innocent as a basket of peaches as she saidit, and never the suspicion of a smile deepened the dimple in thecheek toward him. The smile was glowing cheerfully away inside,though. He could feel it, if he could not see it, and he laughedaloud.
"Your crowd rather got the better of us there," he admitted with thekeen appreciation of one still quite close to college days.
"Of course, the mater is furious, but I rather look on it as a lark."
She thawed like an April icicle.
"It's perfectly jolly," she laughed with him. "Awfully selfish of us,too, I know, but such loads of fun."
They were close to the Tutt House now, and her limp, that had entirelydisappeared as they emerged from the woods, now became quiteperceptible. There might be people looking out of the windows, thoughit is hard to see why that should affect a limp.
Ralph was delighted to find that a thaw had set in, and he made onemore attempt to establish at least a proxy acquaintance.
"You don't happen to know Peyson Kingsley, of Philadelphia, do you?"
"I'm afraid I don't," she replied. "I know so few Philadelphia people,you see." She was rather regretful about it this time. He really was aclever sort of a fellow, in spite of that smile.
The center window in the second floor of the Tutt House swung open,its little squares of glass flashing jubilantly in the sunlight. Mrs.Ellsworth leaned out over the sill, from the quaint old sitting-roomof the _Van Kamp apartments_!
"Oh, Ralph!" she called in her most dulcet tones. "Kindly excuseyourself and come right on up to our suite for a few moments!"

VI
It is not nearly so easy to take a practical joke as to perpetrateone. Evelyn was sitting thoughtfully on the porch when her father andmother returned. Mrs. Ellsworth was sitting at the center windowabove, placidly looking out. Her eyes swept carelessly over the VanKamps, and unconcernedly passed on to the rest of the landscape.
Mrs. Van Kamp gasped and clutched the arm of her husband. There was noneed. He, too, had seen the apparition. Evelyn now, for the firsttime, saw the real humor of the situation. She smiled as she thoughtof Ralph. She owed him one, but she never worried about her debts. Shealways managed to get them paid, principal and interest.
Mr. Van Kamp suddenly glowered and strode into the Tutt House. UncleBilly met him at the door, reflectively chewing a straw, and handedhim an envelope. Mr. Van Kamp tore it open and drew out a note. Threefive-dollar bills came out with it and fluttered to the porch floor.This missive confronted him:
MR. J. BELMONT VAN KAMP,
DEAR SIR: This is to notify you that I have rented the entire TuttHouse for the ensuing week, and am compelled to assume possession ofthe three second-floor front rooms. Herewith I am enclosing thefifteen dollars you paid to secure the suite. You are quite welcome tomake use, as my guest, of the small room over the kitchen. You willfind your luggage in that room. Regretting any inconvenience that thistransaction may cause you, I am,
Yours respectfully,EDWARD EASTMAN ELLSWORTH.
Mr. Van Kamp passed the note to his wife and sat down or a largechair. He was glad that the chair was comfortable and roomy. Evelynpicked up the bills and tucked them into her waist. She neveroverlooked any of her perquisites. Mrs. Van Kamp read the note, andthe tip of her nose became white. She also sat down, but she was thefirst to find her voice.
"Atrocious!" she exclaimed. "Atrocious! Simply atrocious, Belmont.This is a house of public entertainment. They _can't_ turn us out inthis high-minded manner! Isn't there a law or something to thateffect?"
"It wouldn't matter if there was," he thoughtfully replied. "Thisfellow Ellsworth would be too clever to be caught by it. He would saythat the house was not a hotel but a private residence during theperiod for which he has rented it."
Personally, he rather admired Ellsworth. Seemed to be a resourcefulsort of chap who knew how to make money behave itself, and do itslittle tricks without balking in the harness.
"Then you can make him take down the sign!" his wife declared.
He shook his head decidedly.
"It wouldn't do, Belle," he replied. "It would be spite, notretaliation, and not at all sportsmanlike. The course you suggestwould belittle us more than it would annoy them. There must be someother way."
He went in to talk with Uncle Billy.
"I want to buy this place," he stated. "Is it for sale?"
"It sartin is!" replied Uncle Billy. He did not merely twinkle thistime. He grinned.
"How much?"
"Three thousand dollars." Mr. Tutt was used to charging by this time,and he betrayed no hesitation.
"I'll write you out a check at once," and Mr. Van Kamp reached in hispocket with the reflection that the spot, after all, was an ideal onefor a quiet summer retreat.
"Air you a-goin' t' scribble that there three thou-san' on a piece o'paper?" inquired Uncle Billy, sitting bolt upright. "Ef you aira-figgerin' on that, Mr. Kamp, jis' you save yore time. I give a manfour dollars fer one o' them check things oncet, an' I owe myself themfour dollars yit."
Mr. Van Kamp retired in disorder, but the thought of his wife anddaughter waiting confidently on the porch stopped him. Moreover, thething had resolved itself rather into a contest between Ellsworth andhimself, and he had done a little making and breaking of men andthings in his own time. He did some gatling-gun thinking out by thenewel-post, and presently rejoined Uncle Billy.
"Mr. Tutt, tell me just exactly what Mr. Ellsworth rented, please," herequested.
"Th' hull house," replied Billy, and then he somewhat sternly added:"Paid me spot cash fer it, too."
Mr. Van Kamp took a wad of loose bills from his trousers pocket,straightened them out leisurely, and placed them in his bill book,along with some smooth yellowbacks of eye-bulging denominations. UncleBilly sat up and stopped twiddling his thumbs.
"Nothing was said about the furniture, was there?" suavely inquiredVan Kamp.
Uncle Billy leaned blankly back in his chair. Little by little thelight dawned on the ex-horse-trader. The crow's feet reappeared abouthis eyes, his mouth twitched, he smiled, he grinned, then he slappedhis thigh and haw-hawed.
"No!" roared Uncle Billy. "No, there wasn't, by gum!"
"Nothing but the house?"
"His very own words!" chuckled Uncle Billy. "'Jis' th' mere house,'says he, an' he gits it. A bargain's a bargain, an' I allus stick toone I make."
"How much for the furniture for the week?"
"Fifty dollars!" Mr. Tutt knew how to do business with this kind ofpeople now, you bet.
Mr. Van Kamp promptly counted out the money.
"Drat it!" commented Uncle Billy to himself. "I could 'a' got more!"
"Now where can we make ourselves comfortable with this furniture?"
Uncle Billy chirked up. All was not yet lost.
"Waal," he reflectively drawled, "there's th' new barn. It hain't beenused for nothin' yit, senct I built it two years ago. I jis' hadn'tth' heart t' put th' critters in it as long as th' ole one stood up."
The other smiled at this flashlight on Uncle Billy's character, andthey went out to look at the barn.

VII
Uncle Billy came back from the "Tutt House Annex," as Mr. Van Kampdubbed the barn, with enough more money to make him love all the worlduntil he got used to having it. Uncle Billy belongs to a large family.
Mr. Van Kamp joined the women on the porch, and explained theattractively novel situation to them. They were chatting gaily whenthe Ellsworths came down the stairs. Mr. Ellsworth paused for a momentto exchange a word with Uncle Billy.
"Mr. Tutt," said he, laughing, "if we go for a bit of exercise willyou guarantee us the possession of our rooms when we come back?"
"Yes sir-ree!" Uncle Billy assured him. "They shan't nobody take themrooms away from you fer money, marbles, ner chalk. A bargain's abargain, an' I allus stick to one I make," and he virtuously took achew of tobacco while he inspected the afternoon sky with a clearconscience.
"I want to get some of those splendid autumn leaves to decorate ourcozy apartments," Mrs. Ellsworth told her husband as they passed inhearing of the Van Kamps. "Do you know those oldtime rag rugs are themost oddly decorative effects that I have ever seen. They are so richin color and so exquisitely blended."
There were reasons why this poisoned arrow failed to rankle, but theVan Kamps did not trouble to explain. They were waiting for Ralph tocome out and join his parents. Ralph, it seemed, however, had decidednot to take a walk. He had already fatigued himself, he had explained,and his mother had favored him with a significant look. She couldreadily believe him, she had assured him, and had then left him inscorn.
The Van Kamps went out to consider the arrangement of the barn. Evelynreturned first and came out on the porch to find a handkerchief. Itwas not there, but Ralph was. She was very much surprised to see him,and she intimated as much.
"It's dreadfully damp in the woods," he explained. "By the way, youdon't happen to know the Whitleys, of Washington, do you? Mostexcellent people."
"I'm quite sorry that I do not," she replied. "But you will have toexcuse me. We shall be kept very busy with arranging our apartments."
Ralph sprang to his feet with a ludicrous expression.
"Not the second floor front suite!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, no! Not at all," she reassured him.
He laughed lightly.
"Honors are about even in that game," he said.
"Evelyn," called her mother from the hall. "Please come and take thosefront suite curtains down to the barn."
"Pardon me while we take the next trick," remarked Evelyn with a laughquite as light and gleeful as his own, and disappeared into the hall.
He followed her slowly, and was met at the door by her father.
"You are the younger Mr. Ellsworth, I believe," politely said Mr. VanKamp.
"Ralph Ellsworth. Yes, sir."
"Here is a note for your father. It is unsealed. You are quite atliberty to read it."
Mr. Van Kamp bowed himself away, and Ralph opened the note, whichread:
EDWARD EASTMAN ELLSWORTH, ESQ.,
Dear Sir: This is to notify you that I have rented the entirefurniture of the Tutt House for the ensuing week, and am compelled toassume possession of that in the three second floor front rooms, aswell as all the balance not in actual use by Mr. and Mrs. Tutt and thedriver of the stage. You are quite welcome, however, to make use ofthe furnishings in the small room over the kitchen. Your luggage youwill find undisturbed. Regretting any inconvenience that thistransaction may cause you, I remain,
Yours respectfully,
J. BELMONT VAN KAMP.
Ralph scratched his head in amused perplexity. It devolved upon him toeven up the affair a little before his mother came back. He mustsupport the family reputation for resourcefulness, but it took quite abit of scalp irritation before he aggravated the right idea intobeing. As soon as the idea came, he went in and made a hide-boundbargain with Uncle Billy, then he went out into the hall and waiteduntil Evelyn came down with a huge armload of window curtains.
"Honors are still even," he remarked. "I have just bought all theedibles about the place, whether in the cellar, the house or any ofthe surrounding structures, in the ground, above the ground, dead oralive, and a bargain's a bargain as between man and man."
"Clever of you, I'm sure," commented Miss Van Kamp, reflectively.Suddenly her lips parted with a smile that revealed a double row ofmost beautiful teeth. He meditatively watched the curve of her lips.
"Isn't that rather a heavy load?" he suggested. "I'd be delighted tohelp you move the things, don't you know."
"It is quite kind of you, and what the men would call 'game,' Ibelieve, under the circumstances," she answered, "but really it willnot be necessary. We have hired Mr. Tutt and the driver to do theheavier part of the work, and the rest of it will be really a pleasantdiversion."
"No doubt," agreed Ralph, with an appreciative grin. "By the way, youdon't happen to know Maud and Dorothy Partridge, of Baltimore, do you?Stunning pretty girls, both of them, and no end of swells."
"I know so very few people in Baltimore," she murmured, and tripped ondown to the barn.
Ralph went out on the porch and smoked. There was nothing else that hecould do.

VIII
It was growing dusk when the elder Ellsworths returned, almost hiddenby great masses of autumn boughs.
"You should have been with us, Ralph," enthusiastically said hismother. "I never saw such gorgeous tints in all my life. We havebrought nearly the entire woods with us."
"It was a good idea," said Ralph. "A stunning good idea. They may comein handy to sleep on."
Mrs. Ellsworth turned cold.
"What do you mean?" she gasped.
"Ralph," sternly demanded his father, "you don't mean to tell us thatyou let the Van Kamps jockey us out of those rooms after all?"
"Indeed, no," he airily responded. "Just come right on up and see."
He led the way into the suite and struck a match. One solitary candlehad been left upon the mantel shelf. Ralph thought that this had beenoverlooked, but his mother afterwards set him right about that. Mrs.Van Kamp had cleverly left it so that the Ellsworths could see howdreadfully bare the place was. One candle in three rooms is drearierthan darkness anyhow.
Mrs. Ellsworth took in all the desolation, the dismal expanse of thenow enormous apartments, the shabby walls, the hideous bright spotswhere pictures had hung, the splintered flooring, the great, gauntwindows--and she gave in. She had met with snub after snub, and cutafter cut, in her social climb, she had had the cook quit in themiddle of an important dinner, she had had every disconcerting thingpossible happen to her, but this--this was the last _bale_ of straw.She sat down on a suitcase, in the middle of the biggest room, andcried!
Ralph, having waited for this, now told about the food transaction,and she hastily pushed the last-coming tear back into her eye.
"Good!" she cried. "They will be up here soon. They will be compelledto compromise, and they must not find me with red eyes."
She cast a hasty glance around the room, then, in a sudden panic,seized the candle and explored the other two. She went wildly out intothe hall, back into the little room over the kitchen, downstairs,everywhere, and returned in consternation.
"There's not a single mirror left in the house!" she moaned.
Ralph heartlessly grinned. He could appreciate that this was acharacteristic woman trick, and wondered admiringly whether Evelyn orher mother had thought of it. However, this was a time for action.
"I'll get you some water to bathe your eyes," he offered, and ran intothe little room over the kitchen to get a pitcher. A crackedshaving-mug was the only vessel that had been left, but he hurrieddown into the yard with it. This was no time for fastidiousness.
He had barely creaked the pump handle when Mr. Van Kamp hurried upfrom the barn.
"I beg your pardon, sir," said Mr. Van Kamp, "but this water belongsto us. My daughter bought it, all that is in the ground, above theground, or that may fall from the sky upon these premises."

IX
The mutual siege lasted until after seven o'clock, but it was ratherone-sided. The Van Kamps could drink all the water they liked, it madethem no hungrier. If the Ellsworths ate anything, however, they grewthirstier, and, moreover, water was necessary if anything worth whilewas to be cooked. They knew all this, and resisted until Mrs.Ellsworth was tempted and fell. She ate a sandwich and choked. It washeartbreaking, but Ralph had to be sent down with a plate ofsandwiches and an offer to trade them for water.
Halfway between the pump and the house he met Evelyn coming with asmall pail of the precious fluid. They both stopped stock still; then,seeing that it was too late to retreat, both laughed and advanced.
"Who wins now?" bantered Ralph as they made the exchange.
"It looks to me like a misdeal," she gaily replied, and was movingaway when he called her back.
"You don't happen to know the Gately's, of New York, do you?" he wasquite anxious to know.
"I am truly sorry, but I am acquainted with so few people in New York.We are from Chicago, you know."
"Oh," said he blankly, and took the water up to the Ellsworth suite.
Mrs. Ellsworth cheered up considerably when she heard that Ralph hadbeen met halfway, but her eyes snapped when he confessed that it wasMiss Van Kamp who had met him.
"I hope you are not going to carry on a flirtation with thatoverdressed creature," she blazed.
"Why mother," exclaimed Ralph, shocked beyond measure. "What righthave you to accuse either this young lady or myself of flirting?Flirting!"
Mrs. Ellsworth suddenly attacked the fire with quite unnecessaryenergy.

X
Down at the barn, the wide threshing floor had been covered with gayrag-rugs, and strewn with tables, couches, and chairs in picturesqueprofusion. Roomy box-stalls had been carpeted deep with clean straw,curtained off with gaudy bed-quilts, and converted into cozy sleepingapartments. The mow and the stalls had been screened off with lacecurtains and blazing counterpanes, and the whole effect was one ofOriental luxury and splendor. Alas, it was only an "effect"! Thered-hot parlor stove smoked abominably, the pipe carried other smokeout through the hawmow window, only to let it blow back again. Chillcross-draughts whistled in from cracks too numerous to be stopped up,and the miserable Van Kamps could only cough and shiver, and envy theTutts and the driver, non-combatants who had been fed two hoursbefore.
Up in the second floor suite there was a roaring fire in the bigfireplace, but there was a chill in the room that no mere fire coulddrive away--the chill of absolute emptiness.
A man can outlive hardships that would kill a woman, but a woman canendure discomforts that would drive a man crazy.
Mr. Ellsworth went out to hunt up Uncle Billy, with an especial solacein mind. The landlord was not in the house, but the yellow gleam of alantern revealed his presence in the woodshed, and Mr. Ellsworthstepped in upon him just as he was pouring something yellow and clearinto a tumbler from a big jug that he had just taken from under theflooring.
"How much do you want for that jug and its contents?" he asked, with asigh of gratitude that this supply had been overlooked.
Before Mr. Tutt could answer, Mr. Van Kamp hurried in at the door.
"Wait a moment!" he cried. "I want to bid on that!"
"This here jug hain't fer sale at no price," Uncle Billy emphaticallyannounced, nipping all negotiations right in the bud. "It's too peskyhard to sneak this here licker in past Marge't, but I reckon it's mytreat, gents. Ye kin have all ye want."
One minute later Mr. Van Kamp and Mr. Ellsworth were seated, one on asawbuck and the other on a nail-keg, comfortably eyeing each otheracross the work bench, and each was holding up a tumbler one-thirdfilled with the golden yellow liquid.
"Your health, sir," courteously proposed Mr. Ellsworth.
"And to you, sir," gravely replied Mr. Van Kamp.

XI
Ralph and Evelyn happened to meet at the pump, quite accidentally,after the former had made half a dozen five-minute-apart trips for adrink. It was Miss Van Kamp, this time, who had been studying on themutual acquaintance problem.
"You don't happen to know the Tylers, of Parkersburg, do you?" sheasked.
"The Tylers! I should say I do!" was the unexpected and enthusiasticreply. "Why, we are on our way now to Miss Georgiana Tyler's weddingto my friend Jimmy Carston. I'm to be best man."
"How delightful!" she exclaimed. "We are on the way there, too.Georgiana was my dearest chum at school, and I am to be her 'bestgirl.'"
"Let's go around on the porch and sit down," said Ralph.
XII
Mr. Van Kamp, back in the woodshed, looked about him with an eye ofcontent.
"Rather cozy for a woodshed," he observed. "I wonder if we couldn'tscare up a little session of dollar limit?"
Both Uncle Billy and Mr. Ellsworth were willing. Death and poker levelall Americans. A fourth hand was needed, however. The stage driver wasin bed and asleep, and Mr. Ellsworth volunteered to find the extraplayer.
"I'll get Ralph," he said. "He plays a fairly stiff game." He finallyfound his son on the porch, apparently alone, and stated his errand.
"Thank you, but I don't believe I care to play this evening," was theastounding reply, and Mr. Ellsworth looked closer. He made out, then,a dim figure on the other side of Ralph.
"Oh! Of course not!" he blundered, and went back to the woodshed.
Three-handed poker is a miserable game, and it seldom lasts long. Itdid not in this case. After Uncle Billy had won the only jack-potdeserving of the name, he was allowed to go blissfully to sleep withhis hand on the handle of the big jug.
After poker there is only one other always available amusement formen, and that is business. The two travelers were quite wellacquainted when Ralph put his head in at the door.
"Thought I'd find you here," he explained. "It just occurred to me towonder whether you gentlemen had discovered, as yet, that we are allto be house guests at the Carston-Tyler wedding."
"Why, no!" exclaimed his father in pleased surprise. "It is a mostagreeable coincidence. Mr. Van Kamp, allow me to introduce my son,Ralph. Mr. Van Kamp and myself, Ralph, have found out that we shall beconsiderably thrown together in a business way from now on. He hasjust purchased control of the Metropolitan and Western string ofinterurbans."
"Delighted, I'm sure," murmured Ralph, shaking hands, and then heslipped out as quickly as possible. Some one seemed to be waiting forhim.
Perhaps another twenty minutes had passed, when one of the men had anilluminating idea that resulted, later on, in pleasant relations forall of them. It was about time, for Mrs. Ellsworth, up in the baresuite, and Mrs. Van Kamp, down in the draughty barn, both wrapped upto the chin and both still chilly, had about reached the limit ofpatience and endurance.
"Why can't we make things a little more comfortable for allconcerned?" suggested Mr. Van Kamp. "Suppose, as a starter, that wehave Mrs. Van Kamp give a shiver party down in the barn?"
"Good idea," agreed Mr. Ellsworth. "A little diplomacy will do it.Each one of us will have to tell his wife that the other fellow madethe first abject overtures."
Mr. Van Kamp grinned understandingly, and agreed to the infamous ruse.
"By the way," continued Mr. Ellsworth, with a still happier thought,"you must allow Mrs. Ellsworth to furnish the dinner for Mrs. VanKamp's shiver party."
"Dinner!" gasped Mr. Van Kamp. "By all means!"
Both men felt an anxious yawning in the region of the appetite, and ayearning moisture wetted their tongues. They looked at the slumberingUncle Billy and decided to see Mrs. Tutt themselves about a good, hotdinner for six.
"Law me!" exclaimed Aunt Margaret when they appeared at the kitchendoor. "I swan I thought you folks 'u'd never come to yore senses. HereI've had a big pot o' stewed chicken ready on the stove fer two mortalhours. I kin give ye that, an' smashed taters an' chicken gravy, an'dried corn, an' hot corn-pone, an' currant jell, an' strawberrypreserves, an' my own cannin' o' peaches, an' pumpkin-pie an' coffee.Will that do ye?" Would it _do_! _Would_ it do!!
As Aunt Margaret talked, the kitchen door swung wide, and the two menwere stricken speechless with astonishment. There, across from eachother at the kitchen table, sat the utterly selfish and traitorousyounger members of the rival houses of Ellsworth and Van Kamp, deep inthe joys of chicken, and mashed potatoes, and gravy, and hotcorn-pone, and all the other "fixings," laughing and chatting gailylike chums of years' standing. They had seemingly just come to anagreement about something or other, for Evelyn, waving the shorter endof a broken wishbone, was vivaciously saying to Ralph:
"A bargain's a bargain, and I always stick to one I make."